On Day 170, I am missing Eat n’ Park

Eat'nPark

Today marks 170 days of quarantining here in Pittsburgh. At first, I didn’t track this particular statistic, it would only be sad to watch the number climb. That was in March. By the time August rolled around, I wanted to be conscious of that number so I started posting to my Instagram daily, a photo […]

When I Was Toxic

When I was Toxic

I’ve been chronicling my struggle mental illness symptoms this spring and summer. Ten days ago, I was telling myself that I was coming out of it. I wasn’t so deeply depressed. I didn’t feel hypomanic. But I didn’t feel great. I was incredibly bitchy and mean. I was super frustrated at my inability to find […]

This week, I turned a curve (I hope) and began to emerge from a ten week struggle with symptoms of bipolar disorder. First, I was hypomanic followed by a nasty depressive episode and wrapped up with a bout of a mixed state fusing depression with irritability and anxiety through my various mood statuses. During a […]

A Mental Health Crisis Wrapped in the Middle of a Pandemic While the People Rise Up

Content Note: bipolar disorder, suicide data, coronavirus Since late April, I have been miserably immersed in a mental health crisis – first, hypomania and then, depression. For more than two months, I have been very ill and struggling to slog through it. It has been nasty, wrapping entrails around me to distort my thoughts, trigger […]

Pandemic Depression

Content Note: depression, suicide, racial injustice I’m depressed. Yes, in the existential dread of a pandemic sort of way. Duh. But my three week bout of hypomania turned the corner into depression. I am grateful to be moving through my symptoms toward a stable mood, but depression ain’t fun. The transition was bumpy. I bounce […]

More pandemic, more hypomania

Content Note: bipolar disorder, trauma I woke up this morning around 9 AM with a start, as if I had been ripped from another time and place. I felt the blood coursing through my veins. It was almost thumping. My chest hurt, a fusion of despair and desperation to get going on some unspecified goal. […]

Bipolar hypomania during a pandemic

I’ve been hypomanic for nearly two weeks. My therapist knows, my psychiatrist knows, my partner knows. Most importantly of all, I know. I know why I feel this bad, I’m not in denial. I’m not enjoying the creative edge. I’m not resisting treatment. But I’m already in treatment and on medication. They may be able […]

Can you lend me a laptop?

I’ve been without laptop for 24 days and it wasn’t working great for a month or so before that. My friend’s son kindly agreed to repair it because he loves cats and appreciates our work, but he’s stuck waiting on a part. For unknown period because it’s coming from overseas. He’s a lovely young man […]

The Destructive Creativity of Hypomania

I am what some call bipolar. Bipolar is not a respectful way to describe my disorder or identity. I have bipolar disorder. I live with bipolar disorder. It is part of me, but shortening a diagnosis to a single word is not efficient or effective. It’s just lazy. Don’t describe anyone as ‘bipolar’ I was […]

Teletherapy and Coping with COVID-19

Telehealth Teletherapy

When word broke of coronavirus, my therapist told me that her practice (East End Therapists) were getting prepared to offer teletherapy options. I was her first client using this technology. They use an  app called Simple Practice that can be accessed via the internet. My therapist creates a unique login code when she puts me […]