Processing Trauma with EMDR: Week Five

EMDR Trauma Processing

Content Note: trauma, EMDR, child abuse, sexual assault For more info on EMDR, talk with your therapist or visit this page. We decided to incorporate Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) into my therapy. Time has been the major constraint, so I’m documenting on my blog as a record for myself. You can read other posts […]

Ten Thanksgivings Without My Family

Thanksgiving placesetting

Content Note : trauma, neglect, family rejection, mental illness I don’t clearly remember the details of the last holiday meal I spent with my parents, but I know it was ten Thanksgivings ago. We were at Laura’s mother’s house and they were late. I was struggling mightily with mental health symptoms and not admitting yet […]

Coping with Four Facebook Bans over Eight Days, Personally and Professionally

Social media bans silence political bloggers

  This morning, I was notified that I have a 24-hour ban from Facebook. It is my fourth ban in an eight day span. There’s no explanation, there’s no clarity on exactly which Community Standards I violated, there’s no information. And there’s no way to compel Facebook to do anything. So I’m not going to […]

The loneliness of October

Trauma and Loneliness

Content Note: depression, trauma, sexual violence The last time I saw a friend in person by choice was September 22, 2019. That was three weeks ago, a probably unhealthy amount of time without socializing. And I have zero plans to change that pattern. This loneliness, this self-imposed isolation, is not new to me, but my […]

Losing My Psychiatrist on World Mental Health Day

World Mental Health Day 2019

Today I saw my psychiatrist. I’m having a tough time and had hoped he would have suggestions. After a solid talk, he agreed with me that I need to be seen twice a week for trauma processing treatment, commended me on my self-advocacy, and informed me he was leaving the agency at the end of […]

Update: My Therapist WILL See Me Twice a Week, Sort Of

I am aware that the content has been pretty heavy on the inner dialogue of late. That’s just where my head is, friends. I’m struggling as you probably see and chronicling the struggle seems to be a source of comfort and hope. Today, my therapist said that I don’t seem to have any hope even […]

My Therapist Won’t See Me Twice a Week

I’ve been in weekly therapy for years, at least the past 15. I like going often because I want to touch base and sharpen skills while also deal with the latest crap in life. Discovering my complex trauma diagnosis puts this in perspective – I had been making progress, but it was leading me toward […]

Scooping Cat Litter Boxes is Good For My Mental Health

Wood Pellet Cat Litter

No one loves this chore. Right now, we have four litter box stations – one for the kitten room, one for the upstairs feral girls, one in the attic as a spare, and one in the basement for the regular house cats. They almost never use the attic pan so for all intents and purposes, […]

‘Nowhere to breathe easy’ – That Time When Anxiety Spoiled My Chance to See Heart and Joan Jett Perform. Here’s How It Happened.

Heart Joan Jett Anxiety

We may still have time, we might still get by Every time I think about it, I want to cry With bombs and the devil and the kids keep coming Nowhere to breathe easy, no time to be young But I tell myself that I was doing alright There’s nothing left to do tonight But […]

I Need Something Human

Foster Kittens

This week has been intense and I’m struggling to figure out what comes next for me. Not in some big grand mysterious plan sort of way, but in an introspective “Am I the person I want to be?” sort of way. On the ‘yes’ side of that question – I trapped five homeless kittens at […]