Yesterday I posted about my bout of hypomania. I don’t want anyone to worry so I’m checking in.

First, I have a good treatment team and supportive wife. I’m safe, I’m not struggling alone or to get basic needs met.

I am, however, struggling and feeling like crap. My mind is full of thoughts I can’t articulate. I’m bouncing from project to project, unable to focus on anything. TV is frustrating b/c I can’t engage entire episodes.

I open my blogging software and stare at the blank page, unable to write a coherent sentence.

I feel jittery, frustrated, anxious. When I picked up Laura from the T and we got home, I was struck by irrational anxiety while she unlocked the door to our house. I had to get inside ASAP and I was annoying her. The moment the door latched close, that anxiety dissipated leaving me so exhausted I had to sit down.

Those moments are debilitating.

I’m self-aware enough to monitor myself. No online shopping, no new ideas, no trying to balance finances. I don’t reach out to friends because I’m not comfortable to be around so I do feel lonely.

Perhaps most importantly, I know this will pass – I’m not despairing or disconsolate. It might take a few days, but my meds will make the necessary adjustments to my brain chemistry. That’s a key distinction for both hypomania and depression – being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel and being lost in the tunnel. One is a struggle, the other feels hopeless.

So it’s a weekend of just getting by. No big plans. No overwhelming tasks. Just letting my brain rest.

I’ve got tea, cats, books, and my loving wife. Plus, meds and a great therapist.

And cats. The shy ones are saying hello. They know.

Stefano DiMera, Spencer Cassadine, and Kinzua
Helena Cassadine, Stefano DiMera, and Quartermaine
Four kitties from the branch campus following the food to Fort Faulsey. I think that they think they’re being stealth.


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