You Can Support Both People Without Taking Sides

You can choose to support both of us.

I realize it seems like ‘taking sides’ or ‘picking a team’ when couple friends are in conflict. But that’s not the case.

Loving and supporting both of us as individuals does not have to be a source of conflict for you. Setting boundaries is important, but that doesn’t require you to block anyone or not listen to everyone’s side of the stories.

I really need you right now. You can check in to see how I’m doing without “getting in the middle” – I’m not going to ask you to step outside of your comfort zone or stomp on your boundaries. I even have lots of other things to discuss. For example:

  • My nephew passed his drivers license test on his first try
  • I’ve been eating almost exclusively vegetarian for three weeks and kind of like it
  • I’m finally sleeping in a room with glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and it is definitely awesome
  • I haven’t watched the news for awhile and feel okay about it.

I can only speak for myself. but I feel traumatized and really need active engagement with my friends and supporters. Does a lack of response from you mean I won’t be your friend moving forward? Not necessarily. But holding back from offering support because it is uncomfortable or awkward only makes ir more uncomfortable or more awkward as times goes by.

If the issue is that you don’t want to NOT support either of us, that’s manageable. It isn’t easy, but it is doable. Just ask. Ask for guidelines, ask for boundaries, ask for the information you need.

If you realize that we haven’t spoken or texted lately, pick up your phone and push through. It makes a huge difference.

Why this post today? I received a supportive email from someone I dated briefly in 1998. Haven’t seen them since then. That’s a 25 year gap, but wow did it hit me in the feels. To out of nowhere have someone show up like that is just mind-blowing. I also had someone whom I helped with their cat offer very tangible support and that made me cry.

I continue to need your calls, messages, and texts. I am doing my best, but I would not have recovered this much without my support system. I’m sure that’s true for most people experiencing a crisis.


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