Of Pandemic Anniversaries: Part One

While I expected the “anniversary” of the pandemic would be sobering, I did not anticipate the emotional wall I would collide with this month. For the most part, we have had a relatively fortunate time during this horror. Our income didn’t change, we could work from home, we had lots of streaming services, access to […]

Ten Years Ago This Weekend, I Voluntarily Committed Myself to a Psychiatric Unit

Forbes Hospital Mental Health

Content Note: mental health, psychiatric hospital I’ve written extensively about my mental health. It has been a lifelong battle that I wasn’t even armed for until I was age 22. And now at age 50, I am uncovering new layers of my story and history that sometimes feel amazing and sometimes, so very sad. In […]

On Day 225, I Feel Weary

It has been awhile since I touched base about my mental health. Overall, I’ve been steadily getting more stable since my bout of symptoms in the summer. I still have the residual effects of lithium poisoning, including unexpected twitches of my arms and legs. My p doc lowered my dose and reintroduced another mood stabilizer […]

On Day 199, I Made a post-Election Appointment

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today. We confirmed some previously discussed medication changes, nixing one and tweeking another. I have to titrate up every two weeks by 25 mg from 25 mg to eventually 200 mg. She asked to see me again at the halfway point and I was quiet when I realized […]

This Will Get Better for Some of Us: Day 174

CN: depression, suicide I woke up this morning from that thick fog of nightmares, the sort you have to physically wade yourself free from without succumbing to the false awakenings. I pulled my groggy subconscious free from traumatic images and experiences and sat up in bed with a start. As I sat there reorienting myself […]

On Day 170, I am missing Eat n’ Park

Eat'nPark

Today marks 170 days of quarantining here in Pittsburgh. At first, I didn’t track this particular statistic, it would only be sad to watch the number climb. That was in March. By the time August rolled around, I wanted to be conscious of that number so I started posting to my Instagram daily, a photo […]

When I Was Toxic

When I was Toxic

I’ve been chronicling my struggle mental illness symptoms this spring and summer. Ten days ago, I was telling myself that I was coming out of it. I wasn’t so deeply depressed. I didn’t feel hypomanic. But I didn’t feel great. I was incredibly bitchy and mean. I was super frustrated at my inability to find […]

This week, I turned a curve (I hope) and began to emerge from a ten week struggle with symptoms of bipolar disorder. First, I was hypomanic followed by a nasty depressive episode and wrapped up with a bout of a mixed state fusing depression with irritability and anxiety through my various mood statuses. During a […]

A Mental Health Crisis Wrapped in the Middle of a Pandemic While the People Rise Up

Content Note: bipolar disorder, suicide data, coronavirus Since late April, I have been miserably immersed in a mental health crisis – first, hypomania and then, depression. For more than two months, I have been very ill and struggling to slog through it. It has been nasty, wrapping entrails around me to distort my thoughts, trigger […]

Pandemic Depression

Content Note: depression, suicide, racial injustice I’m depressed. Yes, in the existential dread of a pandemic sort of way. Duh. But my three week bout of hypomania turned the corner into depression. I am grateful to be moving through my symptoms toward a stable mood, but depression ain’t fun. The transition was bumpy. I bounce […]