Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

In mid-April, I saw my PCP where I learned that my cholesterol levels and my blood pressure were high. Not run to the ER type high, but definitely higher than normal for me.

The number one culprit is likely stress and anxiety. My load is heavy and has no sign of resolving soon. Sometimes, I’m fine. Other times, I let it get into my head and wear me down. As do we all.

Like the people in the medication commercials, I discussed my treatment options with my doctors. Layering in a statin for cholesterol had been a fine, non intrusive decision. But any further medications would require multiple test results.

When it comes to fitness, diet, nutrition, etc – it is all very loaded for me. A childhood of food scarcity, emotional neglect that turned food into a source of comfort, a lot of men dictating how women’s bodies should look, the physical impact of childhood trauma. Even a mysterious unspecified GI autoimmune disorder.

And poverty.

What works best for me is adding something to my routine, adding something to fill the need, to feel control.

I decided on kale smoothies. Kale is often in my food pantry box. It is a superfood that has lots of nutrients and could address both health issues. It is cheap if bought in the grocery store. So I bought an inexpensive little smoothie blender and began my odyssey.

It has been over three weeks. I’ve had a smoothie almost every day. The last three days, my blood pressure has been back to the normal zone – yay! I won’t get my cholesterol levels tested until June, but I’m hopeful.

An unexpected benefit is emotional. I felt more in control because this is something I do with intention.

Another benefit has been using up the extra fruits and veggies regularly. I don’t do protein powders or other additives. I don’t measure anything. I wing it most of the time.

I start with two cups of raw kale stripped from the (bitter) stems and crammed into the blender. I alternate between unsweetened vanilla oat milk and orange juice as my base. Then I blend away until everything turns green. After than I add assorted things depending on my whim. Tangerines, oranges, bananas, apples, blueberries. Greek yogurt. More oat milk or orange juice. Much of this comes in my food pantry box, but I buy some of it.

I’d like to add spinach in lieu of kale once in awhile. Or both. I have a carrot to use up tomorrow. There’s a bag of frozen fruit in the freezer, but that’s a last resort.

Frankly, it tasted good. I like the bits of kale as a reminder that I’m doing this for me. Lots of little reminders. The creaminess factor can vary, but the bananas tend to help with consistency. The blender make 16 ounces total, enough for one drink.

I still eat dessert, eggs, don’t read labels, a bit of frozen processed foods. But noticeably less. I don’t set out to make the smoothie as a meal. Often I make it while I’m in the kitchen waiting for my actual meal to cook.

The goal is to get the kale in my GI system to deal with the cholesterol. The fruits I use are great – anywhere between three and five pieces. But I’ve learned that blending them reduces their potency so a five piece of fruit smoothie isn’t quite the same as five servings of fruit.

Still it is something.

There is a point and I’m coming to it soon, I promise.

Kale helps the body by binding itself to ‘bad’ cholesterol and thus altering the body – the liver works harder to pull cholesterol from the bloodstream, other bad stuff is not absorbed by the GI tract. I’m not focused on what I have to lose, what I should give up, what I can’t have. I’m just focused on drinking that smoothie each day. 

I do my part by adding, my body does the rest of the work.

This is where I compare my vegetarian teen nephew to kale and he shrieks in that prototypical teen way. 

He was 12 at the time his family took me in when I was homeless. He gave up his bedroom for a few weeks, sleeping on an inflatable mattress until he officially moved into a new bedroom. He never complained.

I was there most days when he came home from school. It became a time that was very special.  We would take turns picking things to watch. He explained The Simpsons to me. I introduced him to Speed Racer.  He made me eggs and pancakes, I taught him how to Uber chinese food and accidentally fed him fish paste (they are vegetarian)

Obviously, things are different since I moved back home. He’s not as chatty on text because apparently his friend group is quite time consuming. He has a job, he’s going to London for a week in July with his school, and he starts high school in the fall. 

But when I jumped in the car on that Saturday night, he told me about his new RPG and shared his character’s backstory. I handed him my last box of Girl Scout cookies and it was like no time had passed at all. 

As we sat at the kitchen table rolling the Monopoly dice and sharing the everyday stories that bind a family, I knew these memories would be fewer when that friend group continued to expand. As it should. 

Focusing on what I’ve lost in my personal life, what I have to give up, and what I can no longer have is only hurting me. Instead, I need to add more kale smoothies to my emotional life. More board games with family. More lunches. More movies, plays, and activities. I can still feel the loneliness, the sadness, and anxiety. Just not when I’m actively engage my emotional kale smoothie.