Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

Big transitions can be frightening and overwhelming. I’m not trying to reinvent myself, just find my true self. Like many folx, I had plans to do interesting things, like tattoos.

I waited and waited – 30, 40, 45, 50 – okay 50 was during the pandemic – so at age 55 I got my first and second tattoos. No regrets.

When I was a kid, my parents kept my hair short. I remember thinking I’d like longer hair in high school, but having this idea that I couldn’t or shouldn’t grow long hair. So I didn’t until I was in my mid-20s, then I cut it off, grew a little bit got some highlights, listened to someone tell me my hair wasn’t really lesbian enough – so I cut it off again.

I began growing it out about 16 years ago when I was first disabled. I did get it cut occasionally to keep the hair healthy, but always a blunt cut. I wanted long hair.

This week, I saw an ad from the salon I use – Motive Salon on the Northside. I scheduled for the next day, scrolled through images, and decided I wanted some version of a bob/pixie. My stylist, Nichole, was thrilled. She talked me into a chin length bob, added a bunch of layers, and we made lot of jokes about bangs, divorce, and so forth.

I like the outcome, but that isn’t the point. I went in and took control of how this lesbian looks – it is my hair, my body. My hair grows very quickly so worst case scenario is I let it grow out.

I regret giving anyone power to tell me how to dress, wear my hair, what jewelry to wear – I’m not just talking about my divorce – and if I should get a tattoo. Pleasing other people rarely works out the way we hope. It can go from a simple acquiescence to a passive-aggressive control tactic. It is a characteristic I don’t love about myself, I’ve done a lot of harm to myself and likely to others.

I was a little worried what I would do with all of these scrunchies – I love them so much and have scores. Fortunately, I have enough hair to use them to put it up when I need to see – like when I’m blogging or cooking or doing cat litter boxes.