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Content Note: This post delves into mental health diagnoses, but also child abuse, childhood sexual violence, rape, abandonment, and more in great detail. An important piece of my mental health journey has been to embrace the different diagnoses. I have bipolar disorder Type I, I have severe anxiety, and I have complex trauma or cPTSD. […]
In October 2023, I began writing about two specific trauma experiences arising from my experiences the previous August – police interactions and riding in cars. Since then I’ve been working to process both. This post is about the car trauma. How I realized I had car trauma Back then I wrote “Then we layer in […]
‘No Kings’ Means ‘Yes, Due Process’ Right? Local government in Allegheny County might not agree. I think it is important you know that Allegheny County and UPMC are denying they have certain due process obligations in the involuntary civil commitment process. Allegheny County government is denying that they have certain due process obligations. Scroll to […]
Over the past 20 years of blogging, my understanding of my mental health has deepened considerably. I share more and more often because I am always learning and because I know that one of the biggest threats to my mental health is stigma. Every time I post here or on my social media about my […]
Today, I had a disturbing thought, wondering if my friends were tiring of hearing me talk about my current struggle with depression? Revisiting recent conversations, looking for subtext, listening for nuance – all to convince myself that I was indeed disturbing them. And that’s the deadly moment where many of us who won’t want to […]
I am not supposed to talk about any of my lawsuits (all civil matters) so I want to talk about my life, my day to day life as a person with multiple civil lawsuits she can’t discuss. And multiple disabilities. After six months of homelessness (couch surfing), I returned to my home of 20 years […]
February is coming around the bend quickly. I’m so determined to just not think about ‘those things’ happening this week that I keep pushing myself to find something, anything, anything at all to anticipate in February. Tears roll down my face, my face so intently clenched thinking of what could be good in February. It […]
CN: grooming, sexual violence, family secrets, cults, programmed,mental health, trauma As a child, I was programmed (or groomed) by my paternal grandmonster. He was a serial predator whose violent behavior was protected by the family. It is a horrific multi-generational story, one I am determined to expose to the light of day in order to […]
Content Note: mental health, bureaucracy, aging, suicide, shed building Last week. A dark and twisty series of days, events, and revelations. It was pretty rough. First … First, there’s my struggle to find a good therapist who accepts Medicare. Or will. I have private insurance now through my spouse, but I also have a Medicare […]
Its anxiety, my old friendYou’ve come to sit with me againBecause a feeling softly does creepGrabbing hold while I cannot sleepAnd the belief that was programmed in my brainStill remainsWithin the hush of silence In childhood years I walked aloneSlipping into a silent homeWatching other families from afarMy door to comfort was ajarWhen my heart […]
