On Day 288 there were scary ghost stories, but not so much wonderful times

I’m going to strive to better document the banality of our pandemic life, including the existential dread seeping between the day to day moments.Today, Ledcat is on vacation so we started the day reading on the sofa together. There’s no “daily” paper published today so she read the pdf version on her tablet. I scrolled […]

The (dis)comforts of turning 50

Comfort comes from feeling engaged and accepted by others. As I approach my 50th birthday, I naturally have been reflecting on well my 50 years of life. This past year has been a doozy, My 19 year old cat Simon died a few days after my 49th birthday. I had to end my relationship with […]

On Day 194, I’m Edgy

Content Note: sexual violence That’s an understatement. On Monday, I’m planning to use EMDR tools to begin working on some new information. The world is on fire, but I’m sticking with the plan. The new information isn’t actually new – I have attachment challenges, not the least was due to bonding with a substitute caretaker […]

That Time (almost) No One Came to my High School Graduation Party

On Wednesday, May 25, 1988, I received my diploma from West Mifflin Area High School, a blue-collar suburb of Pittsburgh. A few weeks later, my parents had a graduation party for me as thousands of parents had done before. We had lots of food, tons of canned pop, and almost no guests. I don’t have […]

Teletherapy and Coping with COVID-19

Telehealth Teletherapy

When word broke of coronavirus, my therapist told me that her practice (East End Therapists) were getting prepared to offer teletherapy options. I was her first client using this technology. They use an  app called Simple Practice that can be accessed via the internet. My therapist creates a unique login code when she puts me […]

The Xmas When I Grew Up Too Fast

Content Note: childhood, family dynamics, shame When I was either a little girl about 5 or 6 years old, I wanted a baby doll that wet its diaper for Christmas. This was somewhere between 1975-77. I was quite thrilled when Santa brought me that doll. It wasn’t quite as fancy as some of the other […]

Will Pittsburgh’s LGBTQ Mental Health Center merge with a non-LGBTQ health organization?

Persad Allies Merger

I was informed today that Persad Center faces a dire choice due to finances – either merge with the much larger Allies for Health + Wellbeing (formerly known as the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force) or face potential closure altogether. Without any timeframe for this, I have to make immediate decisions about my mental health treatment […]

Trauma and Tough Love Do Not Mix

Trauma Tough Love

Content Note: trauma, friends with good intentions, tough love   I did not have a particularly pleasant or peaceful holiday. Turkey Day itself passed relatively benignly until I got home. That’s when an overwhelming sadness swept over me as I realized I had spent the entire day with extended family, but not a single person […]

Ten Thanksgivings Without My Family

Thanksgiving placesetting

Content Note : trauma, neglect, family rejection, mental illness I don’t clearly remember the details of the last holiday meal I spent with my parents, but I know it was ten Thanksgivings ago. We were at Laura’s mother’s house and they were late. I was struggling mightily with mental health symptoms and not admitting yet […]

Update: My Therapist WILL See Me Twice a Week, Sort Of

I am aware that the content has been pretty heavy on the inner dialogue of late. That’s just where my head is, friends. I’m struggling as you probably see and chronicling the struggle seems to be a source of comfort and hope. Today, my therapist said that I don’t seem to have any hope even […]