Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

Decommiting a marriage during a divorce is complicated. Dividing the household goods is part of that joy. I need to furnish and supply a new home. We are dividing items, but a lot of stuff is hard to split up. My very limited finances makes replenishing difficult.

Consider the kitchen where many items are rarely duplicated, yet necessary. Our trash can is built into the cabinets. We have one mop and bucket, lots of single serve cleaning supplies, one dish drainer, one cutlery organizer, one mixer, and so forth. How do you divide a spice cabinet? Or a pantry?

There’s some belief that the refusal of Family Court to recognize that the 16 years of our domestic partnership assigned any property rights ALSO applies to mixing bowls and artwork. Thanks for that, Judge. Do I spend hundreds to get my lawyer involved or hundreds to buy the replacements?

I’m angry that I’m 56 years old and don’t own a mop, measuring cups, or a kitchen table. I have a set of four tv trays that belonged to my grandmonster. I am definitely not taking those with me. I can’t even explain why I still have them. But let’s not go down that path.

Also, I’m torn between gratitude that people want to help me and resentment that I might end up back in a mismatched space that looks like a grad school apartment. I no longer want any furniture built out of milk cartons. I’m absolutely fine with gently used items, but I deserve to be a little choosy, right?

It is amazing how being poor slips right back on like a form fitted glove. I have to wrap myself in a mantle of gratitude and graciousness.

So I compromised. I set up a wishlist that includes Amazon, but allows me to add other stores as well. If you’d like to help me get resettled, you can browse and maybe you have something similar you no longer use. Someone reading this blog has extra measuring cups and someone else has an auxillary ice maker.

These are items that I’d happily inherit gently used. The list is not rigid with a few exceptions.

1. Counter top microwave
2. Dish towels, paper towel holder.
3. Shower curtain and bathroom accouterments
4. Trash cans for kitchen and bathroom. With secure lids (cats)
5. Table for four – it’s an open dining room/living room. I have futon and coffee table, but no eating table (or chairs)
6. Colander, mixer, very specific blender
7. Ice maker
8. Two cat trees – must be new so cat is happy.

These are items I need new because well you know.

Cleaning supplies – Murphys Oil Soap, Mrs Meyers, mop and bucket, broom, dust pan,

Pantry supplies – foil, wax paper, cling wrap, reusable storage bags, flour, sugar, salt, cooking spray, and spices.

And to celebrate the season, sone fun decor.

I think often about my last day in this home. Hopefully, people will help me move my stuff. Take the cats to their new homes. And then it is just me, kissing the remaining cats good-bye, handing over my key, then and walking away. I think about how utterly sad that moment will be. I hear the door slammed shut on me forever. I cry now.

I hope I have somewhere happy to walk toward. My Christmas tree, my decorations set up. Music on my real radio. Something good on the table. A few friends hanging out with me to help me make that transition. Comforting me when I cry. Reminding me that I can do this. That the cats will be okay.

Very prominent in that little tableau is holiday decorations. Cute, funny, or fancy. Lit up boxes, throw pillows, and presents on the tree. I hope some of my friends reading this will make that happen. Because the previous memory will be the most difficult – leaving my cats and my home.

I have no plans for any holidays. My friends are disquietly distant. Where do you find joy in these moments? 

I think creating comfort matters. Not to come down too heavily on consumption, there’s something stirring about mixing my familiar things with new-to-me items.

If you have any of these items in gently used format, I would appreciate if you pass them along.

Wishlist https://giftlist.com/l/hTUL7Hs32Q

GoFundMe bit.ly/HelpLGBTQBlogger

Venmo @pghlesbian

Other options at bit.ly/SaveTheBlog