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I’ve got pneumonia. I’ve been horribly sick for six days. In bed, sleep all day, disorienting sick. A friend took me to doctor Friday. Now I’m back in bed with shiny new meds. Is God taking away my breath to silence me? Breathing has occupied far more time than usual this week. How I sleep […]
I’ve been emotionally struggling recently, a combination of post-holiday ennui with a reflection on my current situation. Also, I miss my nephews. One reality I cannot avoid is that I am not self-sufficient. I haven’t had to think about myself as unit of independent sufficiency for 20+ years. Now I’m caught in the fallout of […]
In case you were wondering, my solo Christmas was actually fine. I had Xmas eve dinner with friends. Then I came home and settled in. I had a sweet roll for breakfast, then heated up my chicken dinner around 2. In between, I watched ‘Call the Midwife’ most of the day. I did take a […]
Content Notes: sexual abuse, enablers, stigma I published an intense post earlier this week. It was planned with care. I wanted to make specific points about the impact of grooming and programming, not vomit my entire story. It is unclear if I’ll ever do that. Yep, it is that bad. I worked with my therapist […]
CN: grooming, sexual violence, family secrets, cults, programmed,mental health, trauma As a child, I was programmed (or groomed) by my paternal grandmonster. He was a serial predator whose violent behavior was protected by the family. It is a horrific multi-generational story, one I am determined to expose to the light of day in order to […]
Content Note: mental health, bureaucracy, aging, suicide, shed building Last week. A dark and twisty series of days, events, and revelations. It was pretty rough. First … First, there’s my struggle to find a good therapist who accepts Medicare. Or will. I have private insurance now through my spouse, but I also have a Medicare […]
Its anxiety, my old friendYou’ve come to sit with me againBecause a feeling softly does creepGrabbing hold while I cannot sleepAnd the belief that was programmed in my brainStill remainsWithin the hush of silence In childhood years I walked aloneSlipping into a silent homeWatching other families from afarMy door to comfort was ajarWhen my heart […]
After the brutal murder of 14-year-old trans girl Pauly Likens in Mercer County this summer, I was struggling mightily with how to move forward with my work. The story of how this interview came to be is convoluted, but I put on my blogger hat and asked Admiral Rachel Levine, Assistant Secretary for Health for […]
I can’t decide if it’s a sign of the times or simply dumb luck. Burned the index finger of my dominant hand on the icing of a Pop-Tart fresh out of the toaster. Ran cold water. Google “wtf do I do now.” And here I sit with my finger swathed in petroleum jelly and generic […]
Pre-pandemic, I began seeing my counselor twice a week for therapy. We were starting to work on trauma and one session wasn’t enough. This was 2019. Her boss resisted. My insurance did not, so after self-advocacy, I became a woman who went to therapy twice a week. Like psychoanalysis without the cocaine or sex. I […]
