Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

Why are nearly 50% of same sex couples still cohabitating without getting married?

This post is part of my ongoing court cases around same sex divorce, civil rights, and trauma. I have three legal cases and one additional legal action sort of floating around involving my work to Protect Trans Kids.

I still need help with all of this – filing fees, court reporters, transcripts, copying fees, depositions, subpoenas, and of course, attorney fees. I need your help.

Yes, I believe there are some big picture systemic implications in all of these cases. But I also need to strenuously advocate for my well-being – I need a place to live, the capacity to pay my bills, etc. I need fairness. And that requires paying all of the above expenses.

If you can help by contributing just $10 to my legal and living expense fund, I would be grateful. And perhaps we’ll make some history together. Or just preserve my own story so I can continue doing this blogging.

My birthday is on Wednesday (55) so perhaps that might inspire you?

• GoFundMe bit.ly/HelpLGBTQBlogger
• Venmo @Pghlesbian
• Paypal.me/Pghlesbian
• CashApp $Pghlesbian
• Zelle sitnscoop@gmail.com

Why didn’t you get married in 2014?

I was doing some research and found an interesting trend. First, let’s back up. A lot of people say to me “Why didn’t you get married right away in 2014?” and I resent that. I resent the implication the right to marry was a requirement to marry. I resent that no one expects cishet folx to get married as soon as it’s legal. I resent that people still hold same sex couples who don’t conform in second class status.

But we are not alone, or I am not alone. Both the national and Pennsylvania data shows that while there was a spike in marriages around 2014, the number of same sex couples who cohabitate but don’t marry has remained rather constant.  Why are these couples not marrying? That’s a sociological study in the making, but it does suggest that we are not an anomaly. And  suggests the law has to catch up with reality. This data is based on the 2020 Census and comes through the Williams Institute. 

In 2020, Pennsylvania was home to 40,290 same-sex couples, with 54.1% of these couples being married. That means almost half of same sex couples in Pennsylvania have chosen not to get married. Why not? The graphic below from the Williams Institute demonstrates this data.

In this graphic above, you can see the impact of marriage equality from 2013 onward on the national level. But while there is a noticeable dip in unmarried same sex households at that time, it corrects itself and both married and unmarried couples continue to increase at similar rates. Why?

In the chart to the right, you see that same increase in both types of households.

I’m curious by nature. So what does all of this mean for the LGBTQ+ community in Pennsylvania?

I can offer two conclusions. First, state law has clearly not kept up our LGBTQ+ families’ needs. Second, you need to stop asking us why we didn’t get married in 2014.

Does that mean my cases are the ones to catch us up? Not necessarily. While I want better, more fair laws and legal rulings, I am also very much concerned with my own life – I need a place to live, I need income to pay my bills, I need to take care of my pet and colony cats. And I need to know that 16 years of my life in a domestic partnership mean something, especially if marriage equality falls. And it will. 

I also don’t want my spouse to go without those things. I wish we could work it out so we could both move on with a degree of comfort and security.

My lawyer told me that everyone loses something in these situations. That’s dismaying.

FYI, WESA 90.5 FM ran a story last week Pa. LGBTQ advocates urge state to head off future threat to same-sex marriage rights that included yours truly.

The problem, Kerr said, is that “We are not and never have been a priority for the state legislature, especially the Senate.” She points to a longstanding effort to pass statewide nondiscrimination protections as “the clearest example” of how LGBTQ Pennsylvanians are overlooked in Harrisburg.

I think anti-LGBTQ everything will continue to erode the quality and security of our lives – the trans community is already experiencing that as is every person of color in the US. Marriage equality will eventually fall leaving an absolute nightmare of possible scenarios depending where you live. Chaos.

But I also honestly believe the Project 2025 folx want to nullify every single existing same sex marriage. We can no longer rest on precedent, respect for the Constitution, or decency from our federal government. Don’t panic, but don’t busy your head in the sand.

Prioritize hiring a family lawyer to prepare these documents These documents are a Revocable Living Trust, Pour Over Will, Healthcare Power of Attorney (with HIPAA waiver), Durable Power of Attorney, Living Will, Hospital Visitation Authorization (for partner and chosen family), Agent for Disposition of Remains, Pet Care Directive, and Tangible Personal Property Memorandum. 

We have to protect each other.

Thanks for considering a donation to my legal and living expanses fund.