Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

On this date in 2023, my friends Melissa and Diane helped me to get this crowdfund started

It was a Saturday morning after an anxious night. I had called RESOLVE to ask for their assistance getting my prescription medications from my home – I was still homeless, staying with friends at that point. So I had to tell the whole story over again. They gave me some new insight and that kept me up all night worrying. 

Also, I did not get my medication. 

At that point, I was still sleeping in a bunk bed with Star Wars and Disney blankets courtesy of my youngest nibling who was sleeping on an air mattress elsewhere. I remember running my fingers back and forth across the bars of the bed, taking deep breaths, and realizing my anxiety was simply increasing. The final PFA hearing was coming up on Friday and the new information from Resolve had me very worried. My lack of a lawyer was definitely a problem. 

I woke up early in the morning and realized that I had one real choice – ask people for help. I had crowdfunded tens of thousands of dollars over the years to help my friends, family, and community – from a food pantry renovation to sled riding trips and setting up new apartments. Why shouldn’t I do it for my own crisis?

 Originally, I planned to ask people privately. Two friends stepped in and urged me to consider a crowdfund to reach more people quickly. One offered to manage it, the other helped review the language and strategize. They both understood is was hard for me to do this. But I quickly saw that it was necessary. 

I was so anxious that first day or two – what if no one responded?

I wrote last year:

There are 

My friend set up this GoFundMe early afternoon on that Saturday. Petrified that it wouldn’t work and I would lose everything, I left the house. Off I went to the grocery store with my friend and her son. I had an anxiety attack near the dairy case, remembering the first time I had shared a shopping trip with my spouse. My friend picked up on my angst and sent me to a bench while she finished both of our shopping. I remember trying to pay her and her saying “We can work that out. You need to take care of yourself.” 

Late afternoon, I was watching the ticker and wrote a woeful message to my friends, Diane ad Dok, worried it wouldn’t work. They assured me it was working and urged me to step away from it for a while. 

They were right. I needed a break.So I watched The Simpsons with my younger nephew. And  you all came through for me. When we hit the $5000 mark (the retainer for the lawyer). I still had to find a lawyer, but you also sent referrals. I ultimately went with the person highly recommended by the DV advocates who had guided me through the PFA process. 

Honestly, I thought that would be it – raise the retainer and move along. I was so naive. Because there was a second lawsuit I had to file, in federal court against Allegheny County and UPMC in June 2024. I had to support my daily living expenses – things that used to be part of a combined household income. Food, medication, transportation, etc. Hair cuts. 

I’ve blogged about my experiences with housing and food security. 

Also, I had the blog to consider.

I have always paid out of my pocket for the blog – webhosting, registrations, software, webmasters, design, etc. I do run some ads, but they generate less than $40 a month.  The truth is this blog is my biggest asset so it would have to be sold to fund the legal and living needs. 

I did not expect to be wrapped in crowdfunding and legal expenses for over two years, BUT my lawyer has filed a new civil action in the divorce to address the emotional harm of the situation. This was recently filed (you can find it on the docket), but planned for a while as part of our strategy. I’ve spent weeks having to dive back into all of the details, review the evidence I had collected, and that took a toll on me. A civil action often has a deadline based on the statute of limitations. In this case, it was two years. 

The tort – to my understanding as a person without a law degree – rests on our claims of Negligent Emotional Distress and Intentional Emotional Distress. It is sort of like a personal injury case in that it is a civil action, but it is between spouses. That’s a broad comparison. 

I am going to need your help again. There will be depositions, subpoenas, court recorders, transcripts, expert witnesses, etc. How do you measure the impact  of being homeless for 196 days when you have a perfectly fine legal residence, but no one will give you a key? 

Plus, we are waiting for a ruling in the federal case. If it goes our way, that will be an entirely different set of depositions, subpoenas, court records, transcripts, etc. At the same time, maybe? 

Navigating the justice system is like tossing a ream of paper into the air and trying to figure our the individual sheets fit together. And I’m fortunate to have a good lawyer who has been a solid guide for me. 

Still, I must ask you again to help me. 

I’m asking because you care about my welfare. But also because there are larger issues at play.

Should we be weakening or strengthening domestic partnerships when marriage equality is being challenged? They were all we had to protect our families before 2014. There’s a reason they still exist – what does that tell us about their value? 

Should due process in local government be a concern, especially when it comes to removing people from the streets and their homes to be held against their will? Do the i’s need to be dotted and the t’s crossed on the paperwork used uphold this removal? What do recent events teach us about that? 

It is terrible that my personal trauma and the larger issues can only be considered if there’s enough money. After two years, I am so frustrated by how closely entwined justice is with the ability to pay. My life is a series of fees and forms to fill out. And a lot of finger crossing as each deadline rolls by. 

I don’t have much money. I can’t increase my earnings. I dissolved one of my IRA’s a few months before this happened to help with household bills. I have one left that will likely go to these legal bills. I have nothing to sell, except my blog. I have no savings, no rainy day fund.

Why? Because I was a fool and believed that the person I loved and admired most in the world was a person of their word. If I had tried to scrape together $100/month into savings since I was disabled, I’d have $18,000. Instead, I invested in our family and household because I did not anticipate any of this. 

$18,000 is not a lot of money to support a whole grown life. But maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a gullible fool if I had tried to take care of business that way. People get divorced every day, but not with having 16 years of their relationship erased. And not via an involuntary civil commitment and locks being changed along the way. 

Looking back at that weekend in September 2023 when this crowdfund launched, I also remember the feeling of relief when we hit the goal and I had names of a few lawyers to call on Monday. It was momentary – a few deep breaths – as the reality of the oncoming expenses became real. 

Those are the moments I cling to, the breathy respites amidst a chaotic upheaval of 20 years of my life. And they are my new normal. 

That sheaf of papers is still flying through the air, waiting to settle into some semblance of a path forward. I’m trying to stop getting those papers into binders and just trust that path forward is there and will become known. 

There will be more to share soon. Things are happening. But I need your help. 

• GFM bit.ly/HelpLGBTQBlogger
• Venmo @ pghlesbian 
• Paypal.me/Pghlesbian/
• CashApp $Pghlesbian
• Zelle sitnscoop@gmail.com

Thank you!

For fun, I included a photo of me – my kindergarten school picture (age 4) and my band photo from junior or senior year.