It has almost been over a month since I was dislodged from my home of 18 years.
Read more: https://gofund.me/71a28a80
Friends came to my rescue in many ways. I am safe, well-fed, comforted, and supported.
But I haven’t seen any of my cats since August 27. I don’t know if they are okay or if they wonder what happened to me. I have no avenue to find out until my lawyer acts. It hurts my heart to be apart from them.
I’ve never been separated from any pet for this long. My friends where I’m staying have cats, but I think they sense that my heart is elsewhere. I’m fond of them, but afraid to get too attached.
Autumn is far from typical this year. I had my first PSL yesterday when my nephew asked me to go. I went with my other nephew to get ice cream for his birthday and had to bite my lip to keep from screaming as I realized how much time has been stolen from me. Him turning from 11 to 12 felt like a rebuke to my relative calm attitude about this situation. I’ve been out to one restaurant with a friend. I had to wear sweatpants because my jeans are all far too big now and I don’t have a belt. I could buy a belt, but I have belts. Just not here.
I’m safe, yes. But I am stuck, waiting for the legal system to catch up my reality. And whilst I remain moored in the last weekend of August, the world moves on.
I can’t get back a month or more of my life. I didn’t choose to miss out on it and I didn’t deserve this. These are not my consequences to bear. But endure them I must. Oh, how stoic I sound!
I am okay. I have a new bed, the first new bed I’ve ever chosen for myself. There is good food, companionship and quiet time. I figured out how to use the dishwasher, the washing machine, and the ice maker. I fill the daytime hours with house tasks, endless appointments, and streaming . Evenings are active as everyone swirls from daytime to suppertime to bedtime. I try each night to call a friend, turning down the lights in the guest room, and unburdening my heart.
I haven’t really cried or been angry or irritable or lost my cool. I’m not depressed. I laugh when I’m with the family, I smile at the cats antics. I talk about my feelings, I just don’t emote them too much. Distraction has been my BFF.
The waiting for the legal parts to kick into gear is interminable. I can’t plan my return if I don’t have a time frame. I can’t Zoom with the cats. I can’t even collect things I’ll need to set up my new bedroom and recreational areas because there’s nowhere to store them. My therapist told me to create a “Return Home” registry to think through what I’ll need. It is like a dreamboard.
I just have to be patient and wait.
Still, I miss my cats and want to go home.
@pghlesbianblog The last time I saw my cats, I was being removed from our home in #handcuffs for an unjust #302. 4 hours later I was released, locks changed, Ring camera inaccessible. That was August 27. Do they know how hard I am trying to get back to them? #cat #cats #catsoftiktok #blackcats #tabbycatsoftiktok #siamese #ginger #torbiecat #tortie #fosterkittens #communitycats #housecats #PhillipPhillips #myhome #missmycats #separation #survivor #love #lovecats #fyp #foryourpage #blogger #blog #blogging #lonely #lonesome #cat #catlover #catmom #helpme #involuntarycommitment #pfa #familycourt #feral #straycat #catcolony ♬ Home – Phillip Phillips
