It is only December 6th and I’m already worn out.
I curated a Giving Guide, a Queer Shopping Guide, a LGBTQ Holiday Things To Do Guide, and took on advocating for four holiday projects. I’ve created ten+ Q&As with artists, publishing five to date. I’ve set up multiple product reviews, took on sponsorships of two local queer events, tried to figure out how to attend and review eight performances and … well, you get the point. Oh, and the SAGE/Nexus holiday party! (Send cookies!)
I’m supposed to be starting trauma processing therapy at Persad Center this month and have been working hard to get ready. Then I learned that the ED of nine months is gone and the board is at the helm. No shade to the board, but that’s not a way to instill confidence. So while I’m still going to therapy, my progress is stultified until they get a permanent solution. Great. And wtf? The stirred up trauma is causing ridiculous problems for me and sapping all of my energy.
I feel like all the running around is more about keeping a lid on the chronic trauma I’ve been experiencing and less about making the yuletide gay. And that sucks. It isn’t anyone’s fault, but it sucks.
Fortunately, my shopping is about 60% complete.
Some year, I’m going to get a Pittsburgh Holiday Season that I want and deserve. I really and truly enjoy working on the holiday projects, but I need some time to recharge my own batteries and remind myself why I do all of this work. I love that we have been invited to so many things this season, but it isn’t really relaxing if I’m working aka blogging/covering the event.
Things I would like to do:
- See the Nationality Rooms decorated for the holidays.
- See a train exhibit.
- Meet the creator of the 22 foot neon green Christmas tree in Elliott.
- Go to a light exhibit with someone else driving, my own car window, and noone asking for snacks/souvenirs/to go home early. Love the niblings, but my anxiety is too high for this outing to be with them.
- And ugly-fun Christmas sweater that fits, doesn’t itch & has a companion in Ledcat sizes.
- Hire someone to wrap my gifts with beautiful upcycled materials. Or just give me a dozen gorgeous repurposed holiday gift bags.
- Meet Belsnickel
- Have enough #AMPLIFY posts in the queu to publish through January so I’m not constantly chasing after people. For at least two weeks.
- Fill this empty space where my family of origin was. That space aches especially deep these days.
- Magically have dinner in the fridge/freezer for 30 days.
- Drink mulled cider. Over a roaring fire.
- Sleigh ride. Ha.
- Mani/Pedi/Facial/Massage – a whole package of pamper in a queer friendly space where I can relax for several hours without worrying about Red Hats and MAGA bumperstickers
- So many Christmas cookies. All of them.
Every year I say this and yet barely chip away at these goals.