It has been a difficult month for me. Let’s just leave it at this – some very unpleasant ‘stuff’ from my childhood has been stirred up and I’ve been struggling to respond appropriately. At the same time, the crazy weather has my asthma in full assault mode so I’m having to take medication to breathe that literally triggers some of my anxiety symptoms.
So breathing freely has been both a physical and a metaphorical challenge.
1. I asked for help. Help has been needed with #AMPLIFY because I haven’t had the wherewithall to keep the project moving forward while juggling all of these other things. And people have responded – with suggestions and with support. My one sweet friend baked me a pie.
2. I didn’t make drastic decisions. I knew that my lack of resiliency means I don’t need to make any decisions at all. I’m talking grab two clean socks out of the bin regardless of matchiness and go about my day with warm, dry, clean feet. Everything had to go on hiatus. This wasn’t easy because I felt stuck and making a decision in any direction would get me unstuck. But probably not in the best way. So unmatching socks were my go to metaphor.
3. I keep on breathing. I use my inhalers, I drink my special teas, I plugged in the steaming machine thingy. I got out the Vicks. I listen to meditation apps. I try to breathe deeply. I can’t get unstuck nor deal with the awful stuff until I can find a steady reliable breath.
4. I slept. Granted, I have nightmares. Bad stuff will get ya that way. So I’ve been trying this thing about programming one’s dreams by reviewing the imagery, the themes and the storyline in my head before I go to sleep. I’d say it has mixed results. But my body is very tired from the lack of oxygen so I’m keeping on with it.
5. I asked for more help. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary. If you don’t tell people what you need, it is highly unlikely that they will guess. **Apple pie is usually a good guess.
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