Tag Archives: It Gets Better

Bullied LGBT Teen Taken Off Life Support; So Tell Me Again Why It Doesn’t Matter what Pro-Football Players Say?

Photo credit: KATU-TV

This is just heartbreaking.

A gay teenager in La Grande, Oregon died after a suicide attempt that took place in the schoolyard of an elementary school. Fifteen-year-old Jadin Bell hung himself on Saturday, Jan. 19, but according to Portland’s KATU, he was taken off life support on Tuesday. Family and friends said the boy was the target of vicious bullying, both at school and online.

Bell had begged his parents to allow him to be home schooled and when that failed, he appealed to school administrators for help. Authorities were investigating the matter when he hung himself from the jungle gym on the playground at La Garde’s Central Elementary School.

A passerby found the teenager and quickly cut him down, but by then it was too late. Doctors at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital in Portland said there was little brain activity, that the flow of blood to Bell’s brain had been disrupted for too long.

Contrast with these comments from Chris Culliver on the Super Bowl bound San Francisco 49ers.

“I don’t do the gay guys, man,” Culliver told radio host Artie Lange. “I don’t do that. No.”

Asked whether there are any gay players on the 49ers, Culliver said, “Nah. We don’t got no gay people on the team. You know, they gotta get up out of here if they do. Can’t be with that sweet stuff.”

Incredulous, Lange pointed out that gay players might be able to play well, too, but Culliver responded, “Nah. Nah. Can’t be… can’t… uh… be in the locker room.”

Lange then asked whether Culliver thought gay players should stay closeted while playing professionally, and Culliver responded, “Yeah, you gotta, you gotta come out 10 years later after that.”

He then apologized. Well, he actually said this:

“The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel,” he said in the statement. “It has taken me seeing them in print to realize that they are hurtful and ugly. Those discriminating feelings are truly not in my heart. Further, I apologize to those who I have hurt and offended, and I pledge to learn and grow from this experience.”

WHAT?

Seriously, what? What does this even mean? And how does this undo the harm of 15 year olds hanging themselves on playgrounds? They are the ones who internalize the “derogatory comments” reflecting thoughts in the heads of the men they look up to or watch on tv.

Guess what, NFL players, owners and fans? 15 year old gay kids and the bullies who torment them don’t have the ability to read your hearts. They do hear the words you say and the words you don’t say when your players make these kinds of horrible comments.

It matters. Words matter. And here are some more words that matter.

The 49ers’ linebacker Ahmad Brooks and nose tackle Isaac Sopoaga, both of whom participated in the team’s widely-praised “It Gets Better” video last summer, have denied ever producing the clip.

The players told USA Today Sports that they didn’t realize the video’s aim was to specifically combat bullying experienced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) teens.

“This is America and if someone wants to be gay, they can be gay,” Brooks told the publication. “But I didn’t make any video.” Later, after he was reportedly shown the video on an iPhone, the player clarified, “Oh, that. It was an anti-bullying video, not a gay [rights] video.”

Even more curiously, Sopoaga similarly denied taking part in the clip, even as a teammate reportedly tried to jog his memory. “I never went,” he declared. “And now someone is using my name.”

So the video is down from the It Gets Better site.

WHAT?

Where does the crazy homophobic madness end? It is not going to end with the 49ers doing anything to interfere with the Superbowl. So why not suspend him for a game next year? Or send him to some sort of day with gay athletes? Or something.

Something. Do something, NFL. Do something, fans. Do something because this whole “say stupid shit” is hurting people. And we need to stop pretending it doesn’t matter and pretending that Chris Culliver doesn’t influence the kids in middle school who bully 15 year olds.

We just need to stop.

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Rebel Who Found Her Cause

“You must never be fearful when what you are doing is right” ~Rosa Parks~

When thinking about what to write for this blog, I was faced with a decision. Do I really want people to know the “real” me?? I so often use humor and sarcasm to keep people at a “safe distance”, emotionally speaking. Do I really wanna let people “in” or should I just amuse them with jokes and move on? What people fail to realize, is the people that make you laugh the hardest, are quite often masking a deep sadness. Hmmm…………decisions, decisions. I finally decided on the latter, so here goes nothin’.

If you would’ve asked me at any point in my life if I thought I would be an anti-bullying/equality advocate, I would have laughed hysterically. In fact, a frequent victim of bullying as a child, I became full of rage and set on vengeance. I can tell you the exact point in my life when this transformation occurred. I was in 5th grade, my brother in 3rd. We had moved quite a bit during my childhood and this is extremely difficult under normal circumstances, but we also happened to be poor. My mother gave birth to me when she was 15 years old and just 17 when she had my brother. We struggled, we moved a lot (I went to 6 different elementary schools by 5th grade), my dad left us when I was 10. So, needless to say my brother and I were perfect targets for bullies. Making friends is difficult at that age, especially when you don’t have cool clothes or all the “in” toys, or couldn’t afford a telephone or cable. So my brother and I got a constant string of laughs, comments, teasing, and just plain ignorance.

It all came to a head one day in 5th grade. It was shortly after transferring to another school, in the middle of the year, I might add! My brother and I were walking home from school (we actually did that in the old days). Two older boys were walking behind us calling us names, nothing new there. Well, the boys decided to take it even further and started shoving us around. Before I knew it, they had my brother on the ground beating him and kicking him. I ran home crying as fast as I could to get help. When we got back to my brother, the boys were gone. I was still crying, but this time my insides felt like they were on fire! I remember thinking, “I’m so sick of this, I will be damned if it happens again”. Seriously it was like my entire personality changed. I was shaken to the core and I wanted to make people pay!

From that day on I BECAME THE BULLY. I got into fights almost daily. I picked on people, hit people, made anyone and everyone feel the pain that I had experienced for so long. I became a “problem student”, a smart alek, a teacher’s worst nightmare. As each grade passed I became more and consumed with anger and rage. Before long I was no longer in control of my anger, it was in control of me. It was blinding me. It was getting in the way of my relationship with my mom, my friends, everyone. I got kicked out of school, was constantly grounded, and all the while becoming more and more angry. The thing is, if people are afraid of you, they do not pick on you. I do not even remember many of the fights I got in. I have been reminded years later by the victims of my rage. Thankfully, as adults most have been able to move past my indiscretions.

You may be wondering what made me change my deviant ways. Well it wasn’t a what, it was a who. A softball coach. She refused to believe that I was this “bad” kid that I worked so hard become. She believed in me. I hadn’t felt like someone believed in me for a long time. It felt good. I wouldn’t let her know that though. I tried to push her away, say mean things, hurt her feelings, but she was still there for me. She still believed in me. “Is this lady an idiot or does she like to be abused”, is what I would think all the time. It turns out, neither was true. She was just a kind, loving person who really did believe in me. It’s strange, but just knowing this somehow made me feel less angry. Of course, this wasn’t the only changing factor, but it was a huge part of it.

My mother did her best, but she worked full time and was raising 3 kids, she had my sister when I was 10. So, while I knew she loved me (she’s my best friend now), she struggled to handle all of my “attitude”! So, I wanted to be as involved with my kids as I could. That was one of my goals as a Scout Leader. I wanted to be part of my son’s life and share all the great bonding experiences that scouting offers. I wanted a chance to be that guiding force for some kid who maybe just needed to know someone believed in him. I truly felt like I was making a difference in these boys’ lives. Then, it was ripped out from under me, not because I wasn’t leader material, I had been told repeatedly that I was exceptional at it, but because I was gay. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. I was being denied this amazing bonding experience with my son, something no parent should ever be denied. Well that wasn’t ok with me. I felt like a kid, right back in fifth grade. I was being BULLIED again!! The difference this time was it is totally LEGAL for the BSA to bully people who are gay.

Well, I am much, much older than I was in fifth grade and much more capable of handling my anger, usually. That is why I, along with many, many others backing me, set out to change this damaging BSA policy. Because I know for a fact, that a child feeling as though they don’t belong or aren’t good enough, can have very negative effects on a child’s fragile psyche. Join me in my fight for equality at www.change.org/scouts. No child should ever be left out.

Jennifer Tyrrell
www.change.org/scouts
jtyrrell468@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/JenTyrrellStandAgainstBigotry

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NetRoots Nation 2012 – Reporting From The LGBT Pre-Conference

Greetings from Providence. It is somewhat chilly here, but what a beautiful town. We are near the capitol building in a fancy, schmancy hotel with a great view and no vending machines (i know, i know.) After a 15 hour travel saga that was mostly uneventful thanks to Megabus, we made it here and spent ten hours today in the official LGBT Pre-Conference.

Over 100 leaders from the LGBTQ community turned out. Computer cables were everywhere – I brought a power strip so I quickly was adopted by Joe Jervis, Todd Heywood and company. Joe blogs at JoeMyGod.com (highly suggest you check it out) and Todd is actively involved in tracking HIV policies (we had a good chat about the Corbett budget.) Its my kind of conference where I can tune in and out and no one admonishes me for using my laptop or my phone. Or both.

Both? Well, yes … twitter was very much part of the dialogue today. There’s a twitter list of attendees as well as the hashtag #nn12lgbt so I had both my phone and laptop open to track those lists and the multitude of replies to my own tweets. Plus, I hit the top of the pile on Early Returns so my blog traffic picked up a bit today. THEN there was breaking news involving Miss Pennsylvania. You can see how my multitasking skills were put to use. And why I’m exhausted!

I was asked to participate in the morning’s opening session which was a table discussion of how we blog and why do it. I talked about the Pirates “It Gets Better” video and the response for a local LGBTQA youth filmed right at the stadium that night. Because she was rejecting the message, it might seem my advocacy was invalidated – but not so. Her advocacy was a little twist on the Hegel thesis-antithesis-synthesis.

Highlights from the day

Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend spoke about building her audience. Lots of good practical tips. Pam is so honest about the toll blogging has taken on her health – I admire what’s she accomplished, but I admire more that she continues to live so authentically by sharing her health challenges and the erosion of some of her physical abilities in a way that illustrates her advocacy skills.

Meeting several “opposition research” professionals – I had no idea how prolific they are, but I’m now on their lists for anything PA related. It was actually poignant how they all said that we need to write about the hate they spew so when folks google for them, our pages will come up with facts. We need to showcase their inaccurate research.

Blogging and posting on social media 7 days a week will increase your reach by 18% compared to those who do these things 5 days a week. I’m pretty successful with this on Facebook and Twitter, but I’ve slacked on the blog.

Much division on marriage equality. Few argue its a good thing, but strategically and tactically — big gulf. Finding a way to bridge the issues and energize allies to advocate for ENDA as well as marriage equality as well as funding our eternal defense against “marriage amendments” are huge challenges that could not be resolved today.

A panel on immigration was very insightful especially the unabashedly undocumented queer folks who spoke out. This is a topic I’m going to explore in more detail – one of the presenters said we tend to define queer immigration issues as American married to European and gloss over the serious issues of undocumented workers and queer persons from other cultures for whom marriage is neither an option nor a solution.

Finally, a great session on health. It was difficult to hone in on “the” most serious issue because every subcommunity has unique issues – be it the increasing cases of HIV or low rates of lesbian gynecological care or informed trans health care – still someone did nicely summarize that extending health care to our entire community should in and of itself be a priority. I was also please that someone brought up the nasty issue of smoking and its impact on the LGBTQ folks.

A busy, busy day. I met up with folks that I’ve worked with long distance – Bilerico bloggers, Change.org and others who helped with the Pirates video and some of the great folks at GLAAD who are engaging more Pittsburgh media types. There’s energy around organizing LGBTQ youth which is exciting. Also, met a great blogger from Seattle who is concerned about hunger justice (first time I’ve heard that phrase) so that caught me up in another part of my identity.

Other plans this week include a stint staffing the LGBTQ table in the exhibit hall (swag! tote bags!) as well as a session on a PA Caucus, twitter, more LGBT sessions and a panel on transit as a social justice issue. I’m also looking forward to the keynote speeches from Elizabeth Warren and Paul Krugman. Plus, there’s a party every night. I’m not much of a partier, but hopefully we’ll enjoy some good seafood and perhaps see a few sights.

It is pretty exciting to be here and I’m looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings. And who!

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Pittsburgh Lesbian Blog, Blogger Honored for Contributions to the Community

PITTSBURGH– Local blogger Sue Kerr, editor and founder of Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents, the longest running LGBT blog in Southwestern Pennsylvania is honored to be named the 2012 recipient of the “Stacey Walker Memorial Award” by Keystone Alliance Gaylife Newsletter.

The award was established to honor the spirit of columnist and Greensburgbased drag king performer Stacey Walker. Stacy passed away in February 2009.

“Stacy always was helping people and she stood for the best things of our community,” explained John DeBartola, President. “Each year we choose a recipient who shows the very best to the community and advocates for them and that [is] Sue. [She is] always trying to help raise awareness and change the community for the best so we felt [she] deserved the award.”

Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents was also named “Favorite GLBT Media Publication” after two rounds of voting by members and readers of the newsletter. The vote was open to individuals throughoutPennsylvania,West VirginiaandOhio. This is the first year a blog has been honored for media work. Kerr was previously named “Lesbian of the Year” in 2010.

“This is a very humbling honor – to receive both the support of the community for our blogging efforts and to be recognized as an advocate in the spirit of Stacey Walker,“ says Kerr.

A complete list of 2012 honorees can be found here.

Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents was founded in 2005 as the first lesbian led blog focusing on Pittsburghand the region. The blog is recognized regionally for its contributions to the political dialogue as well as advocacy on a range of issues that are not highlighted by mainstream media. Kerr is a contributor to the national blogging team at The Bilerico Project and has been published on Pam’s House Blend, BlogHer, and DailyKos. She is also a frequently sought out commentator on LGBTQ news in thePittsburgh region. Kerr mostly recently participated in the successful effort to recruit the Pittsburgh Pirates to make a video for the “It Gets Better” project.

The mission of the Keystone Alliance/Gaylife Newsletter as a population of different people and perspectives, is to aspire to promote the growth of all people in their lives. GLBT members of the community and their allies join together to create an organization where people exchange ideas, listen to one another with consideration and respect, and are committed to fostering civility. As members of the GLBT community and others, the organization strives to achieve the following individual commitments: 1. To strengthen the community; 2. To foster an environment for personal growth, to be helpful to others and respect their rights. We will discourage intolerance, hatred, and injustice, and promote constructive resolution of conflict; 3. To contribute to the future of the betterment of the community: ourselves, the community, the nation, and the world. We believe in freedom of the mind and spirit and promote the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons to reach their potential.

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