Processing Trauma of Childhood Hunger

Last week, my therapist and I picked up with EMDR to process more trauma. We intentionally defined a period of my childhood that was brutal, 1979-1983, or the years of 4th to 8th grade. Historically, EMDR has been quite helpful with my lesser traumas and anxiety. The hard stuff hasn’t cooperated and we’ve respected that. […]

Fazing my therapist

My childhood sucked. I knew it then, I know it now. I’ve been working with my current therapist for over four years. She specializes in trauma processing and we’ve spoken at length about some of the atrocities in my life. But with all of her experience, it is hard to faze her. Until this week. […]

NaBloPoMo: The Poor Souls In Purgatory

November is National Blog Post Month – the goal is to write a blog post each day of the month. This used to be a big thing with prompts, logos, incentives, etc. Now it is just a solitary pursuit. Today is November 1, 2022. Known to many of us as All Saints Day (a Holy […]

That Year My Parents Forgot About Halloween

Distorted Halloween

I’m pretty sure it was fourth grade so that would mark it as 1979. My younger brother and I came home from school to a locked up house and no sign of our parents. That was not unusual. We didn’t have a key, so we used our array of tricks to gain access to the […]

My World Mental Health Day in 2022

World Mental Health Day

CN: childhood sexual violence, trauma This World Mental Health Day, I’m thinking ahead 12 days to my birthday (Oct 22.) I have a complicated relationship with my birthday because of the trauma I experienced during my childhood along with the neglect and abuse. There’s a lot of reasons – the inconsistent celebrations, the shame and […]

Living With Birthday Anxiety

My birthday is October 22. This year, I turn 52. I’m not at all worried about aging because I was brought up to believe that our 50’s are a great time period. Not THE 50’s but our decade of being 50. To be clear. And that’s proving to be the case. I’m a better version […]

Proud of My June

Well, it seems that I’ve arrived at the end of June without a significant depressive episode – a rarity for me. I don’t know why June is always a tough month for me, but the data tracks. A few days ago, I wasn’t sure I’d be standing in this moment today on June 30. I […]

My Dad

He was dealt a traumatic hand from Day One. He worked hard, sometimes multiple jobs. He rarely called off. He was in the mills for 50 years. He grew up in a mid-century modern world, raised by grandparents born circa 1885. Everyone had good intentions, but that didn’t really pan out in their poor life […]

And Spring Depression Cometh …

I’ve blogged many times about my reverse seasonal mood disorders – elevated in the fall, low in the spring. We are not so oldWe have miles to goWe will take it slowAs the years unfoldThat’s a lot to know. This past week, my mood began to dip. Some of this was due to increasing my […]

How long ’til my soul gets it right

I had an uncomfortable conversation with some folx today that left me a little shaken. The source of our difference of opinion isn’t so much a concern and being at odds while awkward is not the problem. The issue for me is something I’ve encountered over and over again – being accused of valuing cats […]