Trauma and Tough Love Do Not Mix

Trauma Tough Love

Content Note: trauma, friends with good intentions, tough love   I did not have a particularly pleasant or peaceful holiday. Turkey Day itself passed relatively benignly until I got home. That’s when an overwhelming sadness swept over me as I realized I had spent the entire day with extended family, but not a single person […]

Ten Thanksgivings Without My Family

Thanksgiving placesetting

Content Note : trauma, neglect, family rejection, mental illness I don’t clearly remember the details of the last holiday meal I spent with my parents, but I know it was ten Thanksgivings ago. We were at Laura’s mother’s house and they were late. I was struggling mightily with mental health symptoms and not admitting yet […]

Processing Trauma with EMDR: Day One

Content Note: trauma, EMDR, child abuse, sexual assault For more info on EMDR, talk with your therapist or visit this page. We decided to incorporate Eye Movcement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) into my therapy. Time has been the major cconstraint, so I’m documenting on my blog as a record for myself. Previously, my therapist had […]

The loneliness of October

Trauma and Loneliness

Content Note: depression, trauma, sexual violence The last time I saw a friend in person by choice was September 22, 2019. That was three weeks ago, a probably unhealthy amount of time without socializing. And I have zero plans to change that pattern. This loneliness, this self-imposed isolation, is not new to me, but my […]

Post Vacation Anxiety

We arrived home Sunday morning. All was well. I was a little tired, but I was expecting that. I wasn’t expecting so much anxiety. It feels like I stuffed so much down inside me during our trip to avoid ruining things that it’s seeping out of my cells now. I’ve got all the old symptoms […]

Scooping Cat Litter Boxes is Good For My Mental Health

Wood Pellet Cat Litter

No one loves this chore. Right now, we have four litter box stations – one for the kitten room, one for the upstairs feral girls, one in the attic as a spare, and one in the basement for the regular house cats. They almost never use the attic pan so for all intents and purposes, […]

‘Nowhere to breathe easy’ – That Time When Anxiety Spoiled My Chance to See Heart and Joan Jett Perform. Here’s How It Happened.

Heart Joan Jett Anxiety

We may still have time, we might still get by Every time I think about it, I want to cry With bombs and the devil and the kids keep coming Nowhere to breathe easy, no time to be young But I tell myself that I was doing alright There’s nothing left to do tonight But […]

Safe in my flower box garden?

I’ve been sticking close to home lately. It helps to manage anxiety and sadness to be in a safe, comfortable space. It’s a tradeoff because I feel lonely, but my projects are doing okay – cat food drive is helping a lot of folks, Q&As are booming, and occasionally people offer to come see me […]

I Miss My Parents

Sometimes, I think about my parents or my brother or his children. Those thoughts are accompanied by deeply painful, gut wrenching feelings of loss, separation, and grief. We are not separated by death, but by the truths and transgressions of our lives. I haven’t spoken with my brother in nearly a decade and I last […]

My (Most Recent) Trauma Timeline and Losing My Voice

Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

In the spring, I was assigned to a new therapist who practices “trauma informed” therapy. It was time to work on some of the deep, dark stuff that I had been dancing around for years and began to really acknowledge just in the six months prior. I was still recovering from the hysterectomy and hadn’t […]