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Each day, I have a plan. I set some goals and make an effort to meet them, with varying results. But I revise the plan and move forward. I try not to define things as failures, simply disappointments. And I try not to think about the next day unless I must. I know people in […]
CN: bipolar disorder, therapy, medication, family dynamics Don’t fret – I’m not going to write 31 posts about involuntary civil commitments. My first accurate diagnosis was Bipolar Disorder. Originally, I was type II because I experienced hypomanic episodes rather than full blow mania. When I had a truly terrifying experience in 2010/2011, I was rediagnosed […]
I’ve been feeling down the past few days – overwhelmed by the media I consume, processing some difficult things in therapy this week, not eating well, not having much energy. Some of that is the weather of course. But June is historically a tough month for me with regard to bipolar depression. I have what’s […]
Content Note: This post delves into mental health diagnoses, but also child abuse, childhood sexual violence, rape, abandonment, and more in great detail. An important piece of my mental health journey has been to embrace the different diagnoses. I have bipolar disorder Type I, I have severe anxiety, and I have complex trauma or cPTSD. […]
Today, I had a disturbing thought, wondering if my friends were tiring of hearing me talk about my current struggle with depression? Revisiting recent conversations, looking for subtext, listening for nuance – all to convince myself that I was indeed disturbing them. And that’s the deadly moment where many of us who won’t want to […]
I will always remember Billy Miller, an actor who recently died from suicide while struggling with bipolar depression. He was 43. Miller was an actor, mostly known for his complicated character soap opera roles. Most notably, he played Billy Abbott on The Young & The Restless and then both Jason Morgan and Drew Cain on […]
Today, my therapist and I did a symptom review where we ‘sorted’ my current and very recent symptoms into three categories: Anxiety, Depression, and Hypomania. Then we looked at the intersection of these symptoms, this sorting, with my trauma symptoms. I was struggling to distinguish between Anxiety and Hypomania, so she literally created a divide […]
Last week, friends set up a meal train for us to help me with my struggle to eat. It has been a lovely resource and quite effective. Dinner is handled most nights giving Laura a bit of breathing room with all the home stuff she has to manage in addition to her job and all […]
CN: depression, suicide I woke up this morning from that thick fog of nightmares, the sort you have to physically wade yourself free from without succumbing to the false awakenings. I pulled my groggy subconscious free from traumatic images and experiences and sat up in bed with a start. As I sat there reorienting myself […]
I’ve been chronicling my struggle mental illness symptoms this spring and summer. Ten days ago, I was telling myself that I was coming out of it. I wasn’t so deeply depressed. I didn’t feel hypomanic. But I didn’t feel great. I was incredibly bitchy and mean. I was super frustrated at my inability to find […]
