Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

I don’t know if it was in response to this post. My older nephew called me to ask about my neighbor friend – he’s met her. He started a nice conversation about his dog. I was really impressed with the steps he’s taken to help the dog have his best life. He invited me over for dinner and offered to crate the dog so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

I told him I need a few days to decompress, but that I would like to do this. It was a sweet conversation and very soothing to my hurting heart.

Also, I did manage to get to the cat colony today and everything was fine. I need to get a heavier walking stick.

Sometimes, I miss family. People who can offer comfort, who know my backstory, who understand what to do.

Yesterday was one such day.

My neighbor friend’s story

My friend/neighbor and I were outside doing some cat stuff. She went her way, I went mine. Then I heard her screaming. I turned and saw two dogs attacking her. Here’s where I jump ahead and say “She is okay, but they did bite her.”

She was pulling an empty wagon and had nothing to defend herself. So I started running to her, screaming for help, with no idea what I could do.

The owner came out and with difficulty got the dogs into their yard, only for one to try to get out again. He was a young man in his 20s. He was yelling at my friend “Stop screaming!” and told me that he was de-escalating the situation. It was tense.

These dogs and other dogs in this same yard have come through that gate before. A teacher at a nearby elementary school was bitten. My neighbor was chased last year.

They defended the dogs.

They didn’t offer to drive my friend home or to an ER or Urgent Care. They didn’t offer their information – just a single first name and a cell phone. They didn’t offer to pay for her medical bills. When I asked about rabies vaccines, they didn’t go get the certificates or offer to provide proof. ordeal, offer to cover expenses, etc.

My neighbor called and left a message on the number they gave her. They didn’t call her back, didn’t check on her, didn’t even text. There’s no way to even know if it is their number. Their dog bit a 71 year old woman, same age as their grandparents, and they just took no responsibility. Showed no kindness or concern.

Notifying Animal Control is not my call – it is hers. I’ve done everything I can to support my neighbor friend. She seems to be handling this fine.

Now I have to do a little rewind here and take another look at the situation from my point of view.

My story

I like dogs, but I’ve been bitten multiple times over my life – twice as a child by other people’s dogs and twice as an adult by my own dogs. A lot of training, a lot of obedience courses, multiple bites, two of the dogs had to be euthanized My index finger has very little sensation because of the bite. The other incident left me facial injuries, my lip was torn open.

When I was a child, my parents comforted me. When my first dog bit me, my parents and my friend went to the hospital with me. They helped me figure out a solution, next steps.

When my other dog bit me, I was devastated – it came out of nowhere. I called my then-girlfriend who rushed over, took me to the ER, helped me figure out a solution, next steps. Took off a day from work to sit with me as we waited for the appointment to euthanize him. Called my therapist.

Jack had a neurological disease so he would have only worsened. We found this out after the fact.

I don’t blame the dogs. I learned. The two younger dogs went through multiple obedience classes with lots of practice. I had friends whom the dogs didn’t know come over to desensitize them. We had commands to keep them from rushing the door. They wore harnesses. And they really liked people. But I never, ever assumed people liked dogs or felt safe with them.

So four dog bites is a lot. I have been bitten by kittens, too, but not in a scary my lip is hanging open and I need facial stitches sort of way.

So this was the background when I heard her scream and turned around. It took a few seconds to realize what was happening. But I started running. My boots were too big, It was awkward and ungainly. I considered dropping my cat colony bag, but thought I could use it to whack the dogs. I was screaming “help help help” at the top of my lungs.

No one came out to help. Important point to note. I’m horrified no one was helping. It is the ultimate abandonment, right? Or was my capacity to yell loudly just not there? Was it me or was it me?

When I arrived, the owner was there and I was just this panting, terrified wound up mass of a person. Making sure my friend neighbor was okay was my priority, but then it was as if every single trauma button in my brain was pressed repeatedly.

Flashbacks to incidents, fear about her injuries, wondering why no one came out to help, images of the dogs grabbing her leg, images of my own injuries – I specifically remember crouching on the floor in my bedroom while Jack bit me repeatedly, trying not to scream – and this overwhelming wave of desperation.

She refused my offer to walk her home, so I went into my own home. Knowing she was at the ER and the bite wasn’t serious was a relief. And I put my head down because I know I have to go back there every single day to take care of my colony. I could barely go out in my backyard today.

So I quickly went inside. It will be very hard to go back outside.

The trauma reaction

This time, there was not anyone to comfort me. No one who knew my history and how this could impact me. I tried reaching out to friends because I knew I had to act before the new traumatic experience got affixed to the old ones. But they didn’t reach back. Life happens.

It was my neighbor friend who put two and two together as we spoke later that evening. I downplayed it and refocused, rightfully, on her. This wasn’t a task for her. But she said “OMG I just realized how much it took for you to run to it.”

I finally reached a friend and had a long chat. She did a great job intuiting what I needed.

But, she lives a long way away.

Of course, I dreamed about dogs all night long. I dreamed about screaming and yelling, but no one hearing me. I woke up feeling exhausted.

I put a walking stick in my cat bag. Do I buy pepper spray? I definitely won’t walk any further up the alley again anytime soon. I can take a long way around to get to the colony in general. I don’t know. I mean no one heard me screaming “help” or her just screaming? No one? That’s sad.And reminds me of my childhood.

I was terrified, but I ran toward the danger because I love my friend. I feel overwhelmingly awful, but the price I’d pay if I had turned away would be much worse. I guess that’s a good instinct.

No one came outside when I screamed ‘help’ … that feels like a warning about the low value my neighbors have for me. Is it personal? I don’t know. I keep returning to this.

What’s almost worse is that almost no one seems to put two and two together.

This is a significant difference between a trauma mind and a typical mind. I see no path forward right now. I’m stuck with ol memories on replay, worried about new memories, and so disappointed. I’ve been working on dog trauma so I can spend time with my nephew, but that’s out the window. This creates distance and I just want to weep.

There’s just no one to comfort me when I do.