Day 21

Man, this is exhausting.

I slept decently last night (thanks, psych medication) and struggled to get going today. The days start the same as usual – get washed, dressed, let the dog out, feed the cats, feed the other cats, feed the original cats again, feed the dog, make the coffee, eat something. Laura gets ready to work in the kitchen and I figure out my day.

I wrote a blog post. I spent time with the foster cats. I scooped litter boxes. I worked on projects. And I fretted.

I thought my big accomplishment was going to be putting a pot roast in the crock pot to use up the old veggies. It came out great, btw.

Then I saw a Facebook post from my friend John, asking folks to donate some distraction materials to the 11 men currently bunkered down at Northside Common Ministries. They need books, magazines, crossword puzzles, newspapers, and so forth. They also need soap and disposable razors.

So I posted that on my own Facebook resources and people began pinging me, promising to donate books and order items from online and two of my friends drove over a big assortment of puzzle/word play books they had from Sarah’s mum plus some other stuff. Literally, within two hours, they drove it over.

From that thread came a suggestion that a local soap company could designate donated soaps to this shelter. And so on. My friend Joe Wos offered to send some mazes from his mazetoons and he and I were brainstorming about finding ways to do that for all nursing homes, shelters, etc.

Later in the evening, a friend who is struggling reached out. We both stopped what we were doing to engage them. There wasn’t a magic moment or a fix all, just a reminder that we must be more attentive to people around us.

My friend’s teen kid is struggling with their parents decision to separate. Of course they are because they are a kid.

And I want to remember how fucking hard this is, this constant struggle to manage all of the things both internal and external.

I got up, got dressed, fed the cats, made a pot roast, and did other stuff. What I didn’t do is cry or release my emotions very much. Emotionally, I’m still in the “stay focused on productivity and you’ll be okay” mode, even though intellectually, I know that is bull shit.

We just continue putting one foot forward.

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