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Content Note: This post delves into mental health diagnoses, but also child abuse, childhood sexual violence, rape, abandonment, and more in great detail. An important piece of my mental health journey has been to embrace the different diagnoses. I have bipolar disorder Type I, I have severe anxiety, and I have complex trauma or cPTSD. […]
In October 2023, I began writing about two specific trauma experiences arising from my experiences the previous August – police interactions and riding in cars. Since then I’ve been working to process both. This post is about the car trauma. How I realized I had car trauma Back then I wrote “Then we layer in […]
For the past 16 months, I have been unable to ride in a vehicle driven by a stranger – especially in the back seat. This is a trauma reaction to the time I was put in handcuffs, put in the backseat of a police car, fastened, and taken away from my home under the pretext […]
When I was a younger social worker, I had a boss whom everyone thought was wonderful. Smart, savvy, all the things. One morning, he took me aside to discuss comments I had made at an event the previous evening. I was out of line – I was complaining about the boss of bosses at a […]
I am not supposed to talk about any of my lawsuits (all civil matters) so I want to talk about my life, my day to day life as a person with multiple civil lawsuits she can’t discuss. And multiple disabilities. After six months of homelessness (couch surfing), I returned to my home of 20 years […]
February is coming around the bend quickly. I’m so determined to just not think about ‘those things’ happening this week that I keep pushing myself to find something, anything, anything at all to anticipate in February. Tears roll down my face, my face so intently clenched thinking of what could be good in February. It […]
I’ve been emotionally struggling recently, a combination of post-holiday ennui with a reflection on my current situation. Also, I miss my nephews. One reality I cannot avoid is that I am not self-sufficient. I haven’t had to think about myself as unit of independent sufficiency for 20+ years. Now I’m caught in the fallout of […]
Today has been a day. I awoke to find this lovely article in the Pittsburgh Union Progress highlighting our work to help the folx who help the cats and critters. The pantry is a labor of love for her, named in memory of her lifelong friend John Ruffing, a West Mifflin resident and veterinarian who […]
CN: grooming, sexual violence, family secrets, cults, programmed,mental health, trauma As a child, I was programmed (or groomed) by my paternal grandmonster. He was a serial predator whose violent behavior was protected by the family. It is a horrific multi-generational story, one I am determined to expose to the light of day in order to […]
Its anxiety, my old friendYou’ve come to sit with me againBecause a feeling softly does creepGrabbing hold while I cannot sleepAnd the belief that was programmed in my brainStill remainsWithin the hush of silence In childhood years I walked aloneSlipping into a silent homeWatching other families from afarMy door to comfort was ajarWhen my heart […]
