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Tomorrow will be one month without my mother in this world. That feels momentous, like a tick closer on the timeline of her disappearance from this world. A month, then two, then six, and a year. And so forth. Her birthday. Her private significant milestone dates. I’ll put them all in my phone to remind […]
People tell you a lot of things about grief – the phases, the stages, the array of emotions. They tell you about the heart-stopping-grasp that grief has in your chest, a constricting band that hurts your heart and tightens your breathing. They tell you that each experience of grief is unique, that the absence of […]
Maybe it is The Gilded Age viewing, but I have been noting some social mores and trends when it comes to mourning and grieving. First, condolences. It is not 1893. You most likely have a cell phone, email, Messenger, or a myriad of communication tools. Extend your condolences directly to the grieving person. Not their […]
I’m not a believer in neat little transitions between “stages” of grief. Grief is messy and complicated and ugly. It is not dainty moist eyes on a lace kerchief. Well it might be, but it is also heaving sobs that drown any nearby material in the angst and sorrow of a broken heart. Grief oozes, […]
I keep thinking about the lyric from Prince’s Song ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ It’s been seven hours and 15 daysSince you took your love away When will that be? My mother died on Thursday February 10 at 6:45 PM. So does that mean at 1:45 AM on February 26, that grief moment will hit? Will […]
I appreciate the many expressions of sympathy about the death of my mother. The situation is complicated by a lot of trauma at the hands of other, now dead, family members and the many family members (all of them) who enabled or denied their predatory violence. In truth, every adult in my family on both […]
Dear John, It will be 12 years Saturday since you died. I’m frightened by how quickly the memorials to you are overwhelming the memories with you. I guess that makes sense – we met when I was 15 years old and struggling to figure out all of the things. I was 37 when you died. […]
I miss my dog. Both of them, I miss both of my dogs. Amadeus died in April 2015 at the age of 13 and Alexander died in January 2016 at the age of 14. They were littermates and had been with me since they were barely eight weeks old. That’s a long time to love […]
This past weekend, Laura and I had the sad task of putting our 17-year-old cat Natasha to rest. It was a decision we made together and knew was for the best, but it was still sad. 17 is a long life for a cat and for the great majority of it, Natasha had a healthy […]
