Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

I went to the dentist last week, abuzz with anxiety. This weirdly ended up okay because I just had one cavity and everything else was fixable. Except one bad tooth that has to be uninstalled. Second chances are always important.

The dental cleaning weakened the bad tooth and it really hurt. I called an oral surgeon at AGH and the kind clerk got me scheduled for January 2. Whew.

Then the front of my tooth slid off leaving the nerve exposed. Oh my God, that fucking hurt. My dentist fit me in late Friday afternoon for a semi-temp dental goop thing that made the pain go quite away. Oh, sweet release.

So my ability to eat – really, chew – is compromised. During the holidays. Great. No chewing. No holiday treats – no nuts, no candy, no green bean casserole. While I am fine with a good smoothie, they don’t typically come in peppermint flavors.

I am quite fixated on this. I was really looking forward to holiday meal traditions and that seems to be an expectation where my needs are constantly undercut. I went from a nice robust holiday plan, including snacks, to … nothing. The only person I’ll see on Christmas Eve is the neighbor installing a battery in Gertie. Otherwise, nothing. No one until the evening of December 26.

I do feel pretty down about this. I can be grateful my tooth situation wasn’t worse and sad that I feel so bad. I’m sad there’s no one for Xmas eve breakfast, Xmas eve dinner, nothing on Xmas day. Last year, everything was very intentional and this year, it is just broken plans and loss.

Hopefully, I can turn myself around and find joy. This is one reason I like doing holiday projects – I can find joy there, gratitude there, generosity there. So maybe the solution is to spend my holiday 48 hours working on projects. Or laundry.