Pgh Lesbian Correspondents

If you had asked me last year or even last week to specify my blog audience, I would have said “the LGBTQ community” or “white cisgender people who need to read this” or some such statement. Those things are true, but they are not quite complete.

I am writing this blog for my six niblings (nieces/nephews + sibling) who range in age of 13-20. One is part of the Alpha Generation, the rest are part of Generation Z. They all mistakenly think I’m a Boomer (I’m very much Gen X.) None of them read blogs. So maybe this seems like a weird way to chronicle to them?

Still here’s my very first text post on 29 December 2005. Click to see those old school archives.

The day before the first of you arrived into my life. I was not prescient about the ‘most important election of our lives’ – not at all, but I was 35 and still had a lot of growing up to do.

Some of you are very close to me, others not at all. But I’ve wondered about your lives – your hobbies and passions, your dreams, your day to day experiences. I’ve hoped that you are happy, curious, and contented in the material things, but conscious of other things that define our lives. When you’ve pulled away from me or even intentionally hurt me, I never stop loving you. Being your aunt is my greatest privilege

I am writing this for you. Why? Well, I have this personal goal to be the adult I did not have in my life as a child (or as an adult.) Sometimes that means ice cream for dinner and a Simpson’s marathon. Sometimes that means sharing the story of my struggles with anxiety or depression so you know I do get it. It means spending five years working in child welfare as a foster parent recruiter, then starting a project to Protect Trans Kids.

Often it means active listening, consent, and saying hard things. It means being the bad guy in your eyes to keep you safe. It means respecting your parents’ boundaries. It means facing down demons and devils that I hope you never know. It means sharing absurd reels and then repeating “stop looking at your phone” a million times while we do something.

It means acknowledging that you’ll be at the helm in 20 years – all of you. This will be your responsibility. And we should be held accountable for what we unleashed or failed to resolve.

What does that have to do with a blog especially for niblings you never see? Fair question. It means you will have access to a different narrative, a different point of view, a different way of looking at this messy complicated world that cannot be reduced to one vantage. A lot of people think their way is the only way, the one way, but at some point you’ll realize maybe that’s not the case. You’ll read a book, listen to a podcast or a speech, have a deep convoy with your college roommate, or just BOOM have your mindset blown up and reconfigured.

I read a book in 12th grade ‘One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch’ by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. BOOM. Five or six years later, I read ‘The Brothers Karamazov’ by Fyodor Dostoevsky and another very big BOOM. Note that my exposure to authors outside of the European canon was quite limited in those days.

You will doubt and reconsider. Where you land is anyone’s guess. But it will hopefully be an amazing journey of questioning and learning.

In just 40 seconds, Greta Thunberg explains why it is totally coherent to protest both genocide and climate collapse.
byu/RickyOzzy inLateStageCapitalism

So how does this blog fit in? Well, this is my perspective on the story of our family in its big messy rollicking way. Some of us are related by DNA, others by choice. We are in-laws, ex-laws, and outlaws.

In this blog, I’ve tried to document some of my actual family narrative, the genealogy, the histories, the social conditions, the dots that surprisingly connect (my paternal great-uncle married my maternal 5x cousin) and the people we never knew. I pay particular attention to the stories that they don’t want us to discuss. You should know them and decide for yourself. Our actual family history will disabuse you of most of what you learn in the media.

I do not take lightly this reality – the ancestors of four of you (and me) enslaved the ancestors of the other two. That is a fact, well-documented and very much part of our lives now. It is horrifying, but I hope younger generations will pummel white supremacy into submission. All of you have to face up to the legacy of that reality in different ways. I’d be adding to racial injustice if I didn’t distinctly point out that reality.

In this blog, I chronicle the end of the 20th and beginnings of the 21st centuries, a time of upheaval and amazement. I could not have imagined the Internet in my teen years so I’m already in awe of the technology you will experience. Preserving the first years of my blog in its original format will give you a glimpse into the Golden Era of blogging. It wasn’t always pretty.

And in this blog, I share my health journey which may or may not be useful information. I have chronic illnesses that might shorten my life. I’ve experienced a range of bias, discrimination, and medical mistreatment – for being fat, for being a woman, for being queer, disabled, and mouthy. This could be useful information for you. Or just help you understand however healthcare looks like in 20 or 30 years. I also have information about other ancestors and relatives. Mental illness, alcohol abuse, and cancer run rampant in our veins. All of us. Take care of yourself.

The wild thing is that at the age of 54 and a blog that is 20 years old, I am also still trying to figure it out. I intentionally seek out voices that are outside of the typical white Christian cisgender male heteronormative values I was raised in. I look for content created by people whose world view is different than mine – Indigenous creators, Black creators – especially women, youth, trans and queer folx, People with disabilities, people who are poor. Creative people who know that art, poetry, music, body movement, and laughing will help save us.

This blog is brave. From the very start, being a lesbian with her own blog was radical. I’ve tackled topics that did not make me popular. I’ve been doxxed multiple times, including one by a radical white nationalist group. I am ridiculed, harassed, and threatened everyday. I have been stalked by three different white cisgender men who live here in Pittsburgh. People call my phone, send me mail, say things to me in public. They deface my projects. They call me a victim, bully, attention-seeker, coward, anything they can think of to make me stop.

Sometimes I do stop, for a minute. And that’s okay. Sometimes I curl up because this *waves hands around * is too much. But if I don’t persevere, who else is there? I can’t let those folx down.

You are each precious to me. You may not see that or believe me. I hope one day you read these posts on your own terms and make up your own minds about me, the stories I share, and the world you live in. Don’t agree with me – challenge me, look for sources, question my motives (and punctuation.) You are no longer children who need to held by the hand – you can think for yourselves. That doesn’t mean you should ignore people you respect. It does mean you can respectfully disagree.

So I’m going to more intentionally blog for and to you six niblings. And then one day it will be up to you to decideif I hit my mark of being the adult I needed in my life as a kid.

I’m not going to use your names or write thoughtful letters to you like in Lifetime movie. But I’ll be thinking about you as I write all of my blog posts – you’ll see your names, your hopes, your accomplishments written in the subtext. Maybe I’ve been doing that for 20 years and just now named it?

Half your parents have no use for me and that’s okay. This isn’t about them. You can reach out to me anytime – my email and cell and DMs are all over this blog and the interwebs. If you reach out, I will listen to you and if you need my help, I will show up – no questions asked. But I will not intrude.

Having an active blog for 20 years is a miracle. I’ve paid out of my pocket for 90% of the expenses. Don’t let anyone tell you this is guaranteed to make you anything. It is a fucking lot of work. I’ve earned several national awards and gained a social media following because I put in the work for 20 years. I’m not planning to stop. I think I’ve exhausted the awards, but there’s still work to be done.