Graham crackers

Photo by "Elena's Pantry" on Flickr.
Photo by “Elena’s Pantry” on Flickr.

It seems like the Post-Gazette’s Jennifer Graham, winner of this week’s “Best Turd in a Punchbowl” award, is new to Pittsburgh.

Her magnum derpus about Caitlyn Jenner is only her second column for One of America’s Best Potato-Peelings Catchers, according to Davyoe of “2 Political Junkies.”

I did look at Jennifer “Quietest of Voices” Graham’s LinkedIn profile. Prior to her crash-landing on the Boulevard of the Allies, she served as a correspondent for the Salt Lake City-based Deseret News—which is owned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

So much for the old stereotype about all Mormons being nice, I guess. (Ba-dump-bum-crash! I don’t actually know that Graham is LDS, but I couldn’t resist making a joke. Sometimes, I laugh to keep from screaming or getting stabby.)

Her bio notes she previously served as press secretary and speechwriter for the former attorney general of South Carolina, Charlie Condon, who was a proponent of “stand-your-ground” and voter ID laws.  And as a Senate candidate in 2004, Condon supported a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. So he seems nice.

I think office parties with Graham and Condon must have been a hoot. Tepid tap water and saltless Saltine crackers all around!

What a proud, new hire for the Post-Gazette. Is this where I should mention that earlier this year, the Post-Gazette’s Mackenzie Carpenter and Michael Fuoco were nominated for an award by GLAAD, the media-monitoring organization that tries to ensure fair coverage of LGBTQ issues? I think it is!

See? Just like “not all Mormons are nice,” not all Post-Gazette reporters are horse’s patoots.

Speaking of horse’s patoots, according to Jennifer Graham’s Twitter profile, she is “bizarrely informed about donkeys.”

I guess it takes an ass to know an ass.

Hey! Now, the jokes are writing themselves!