Unpalatable: a lesbian quest for cupcakes
Update: I edited out a sentence that was offensive to someone whom I did not mean to offend.
I am running out of bakeries to patronize.
First, there was The Priory on the Northside. I loved their baked goods, but disliked their tactics opposing the drink tax which cost our community an ally.
Today, I did it again when I heard that a gay-owned business, Dozen, was sponsoring a cupcake gorging contest. Apparently, the owner thought causing people to vomit is a great way to increase sales.
You know me ... I had to say something. I thought it was a gross idea and potentially harmful to encourage gluttony and over-consumption. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with a cupcake or two. But the imagery of women shoving dozens of cupcakes into their mouths is revolting. I hate those segments on the news, especially when followed by a report on the obesity epidemic.
Dozen's owner was incensed that I had an opinion contrary to his business interest. Apparently, you aren't allowed to say critical things about gay owned businesses. I've been through this with local bar owners and I can safely say that they have a much better sense of humor than bakers.
Here's a brief sample:
What did I say to provoke such a reaction? That I might not patronize his business. That's it. He said I was being overly dramatic. A cupcake orgy isn't dramatic? I mean the next step on the drama continuum would be to come up with a red velvet cupcake spiked with Midol and market it as PMS cure.
Then he said my arrogance was unpalatable -- get it? That is the best insult ever. Not even the Christian fundies have zinged me like that.
Now I'll admit to being a bit of an elitist and I can condescend with the best of them, but we all know that none of you ever does what I tell you to do. All I said to James was that rather than engaging me to resolve the difference of opinions, he pissed me off. Every Business 101 major learns that one angry customer's stories will undo the stories of 20 happy customers. I was a poli sci major and I know that for crying out loud.
Since I think being called unpalatable is the best bitchy thing I've heard in months, I'm not even going to comment on the hypocrisy of his last sentence. Oops.
Seriously, I know this is his living, but any reasonable gay person should resent the implication that we aren't allowed to say anything critical of gay owned businesses . That's patently absurd. I'm a big champion of supporting gay owned everything, but that doesn't put them above an honest critique. Dozen works the lesbian market like no other gay owned business in town. It is a good marketing strategy if you are in the market for cupcakes. And if you aren't, just hit delete. But when you wade into a predominantly lesbian venue, you should expect that the mouthy ones are often coming from a feminist perspective (not all of us mind you).
I know few feminists that would be supportive of an anything-eating contest. It hits a lot of buttons -- mass consumption, health issues, body image, eating disorders, etc. I'm just saying you have to take the bad with the good. If a cupcake eating contest annoys a few lesbians, you'll probably ride it out.
I did learn that cupcakes are not big in Europe. Dr. Bozena Zdaniuk, who famously compared the cupcake eating contest to a tequila drinking contest in terms of health impacts, had this to say:
Now this is where you can call me arrogant because of my conceit that everyone loves cupcakes. Right?
Ledcat tells me that I have to play nice or we aren't going to have anywhere to buy bread. I've also been arguing with my former veterinarian, the heroin addict across the street and a Libertarian. Oh, and PennDOT, of course. Now I need PennDOT's help to deal with the heroin addict so I might have screwed myself. I'll figure something out.
So, should you go to Dozen? Sure. The cupcakes are tasty (sorry, Bozena, but I hate croissants -- all that flaking makes me shudder). I often implore you to spend your precious disposable income at LGBT owned businesses. Yes, he did slam Pittsburgh as being judgmental, but he's a little bit right about that ... we are good for excluding people from over the bridge.
I'd advise you skip the cupcake eating contest, but only because it is kind of gross, not out of any sense of telling you what to do. Not that you listen to me.
My coworker took sympathy on me and made up a list of bakeries which I can patronize without compromising my indignant huff. I sure hope they are palatable!