Welcoming Depression

Content Note: depression, mania,

These past few days of hypomania have been brutal. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and two appointments with my therapist. We decided to increase one of my current meds, understanding it won’t kickin for a week.

I just could not relax or feel anything but tension. For three weeks.

Today, I woke up and realized something was different. It wasn’t until my therapy appointment that it clicked – I was feeling sad. Sad. Weepy.

I was turning the corner from hypomania to depression. And I couldn’t be happier.

Weird, right?

I’m not minimizing depression. I’m appreciating moving forward through my cycle and eventually evening out. I tend to experience rapid cycling or mixed states during this transition phase. Those are vicious and brutal.

My therapist and I talked about potential reasons this hit me so hard this year – was it just COVID-19? Unlikely. More likely is that my stunted work on processing trauma. The blunted feelings

I have a plan to manage depression. It might really suck, but it will abate at some point.

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