Tag Archives: sexism

Guest Blog Post: The Enemy Is Us

Editor’s Note: This week, I’ll be sharing guest blog post from folks who identify as allies and what that means to them.

Maria Lupinacci blogs at 2 Political Junkies”

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Most of us like to think that we are good, moral people. That we would intervene if we saw an injustice occur. We would step up if we saw someone abusing a child or an animal, We would call 911 if we saw a group victimizing a person. We would vote against an unjust law. We might even protest an unjust war. And, that should be the easy call. What seems to trip us up is the really personal stuff: how we react — or don’t — to the words and actions of friends, family and co-workers.

When I was a child in the 60s or 70s, I had relatives who thought nothing of dropping the N-word, repeatedly. There was no problem with men referring to grown women as “girls” and laughing at the very idea of women being equal to men. All that still exists — I am by no means saying we are in some sort of post racist or post sexist society — but at some point, that sort of easy, blatant racism and sexism was no longer considered proper in polite society. People at least learned to censor themselves to an extent. Politicians knew they’d be called out on it (they prefer the ever popular dog whistle these days). We at least have a veneer of “tolerance.”

But not so much with with anti-gay sentiments. And, the most popular shield these days against criticism is religion. We are all supposed to respect someone’s religious beliefs. But, what if those beliefs trample on our own rights or try to negate our very being? As a woman, my reproductive rights are constantly under attack these days because of the religious beliefs of others. Similarly, LGBT rights — to marry, to adopt, to even exist in some countries — are under attack.

If the very mention of the word “lesbian” will block you from going to a website on some intranets, if holding hands in public with your significant other is seen as a controversial act (“flaunting it”), if wanting the same recognition and benefits for your spouse in every state is worthy of a massive negative campaign and objecting ballot initiative, if it’s OK for others to object to someone’s very being as being an affront to their own religious beliefs, how can we not be surprised when anti gay bullying and violence still exists?

Religion was used in the past — and sometimes still is — to justify overtly racist and sexist views and actions. It cannot be tolerated now to justify an anti gay agenda. Nor can anti gay sentiments from the casual joke to the outright attack be tolerated. If we don’t call out our family, our friends, our co-workers, our online buddies on the this when it happens, we are not allies, we are not friends — the enemy is us.

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Update on FourSquare and Facebook Responses to Gay Bashing, Sexism

Well, there’s nothing good to report

Facebook has had multiple people report three separate status updates that contain the phrase “Hag Bag Headquarters welcome to whore ville (sic) all dykes welcome” but they have yet to remove the posts. Interestingly, when I tried to do a status update about this topic, it would not let me post those same words. It deleted the post as quickly as I put it up. Huh.

So if you have the time, you can go to his public status updates and click “report” in the upper right hand window.

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=2545074635100&id=1500803475

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=2545070955008&id=1500803475

Dealing with Facebook is terrible. There’s no way to reach a live person short of a court order. There’s no way to report something via email or if you aren’t part of their system AND friends with the perpetrator. So a parent is stuck. I find that appalling.

FourSquare at least responds to me. My position is that the person who set up the fake, defamatory venue AND the Mayor who repeatedly checked-in were more culpable than the folks who simply checked in. The latter get a warning, fine. But the two other individuals (I don’t know if they are the same person) should be held to a higher level of scruntiny.

FourSquare contends that the Mayor has no prior offenses, was warned and will be monitored. I don’t think that’s good enough. His actions on FourSquare led to the Facebook posts which continue to defame me and a project helping food pantries. How is that okay? How is that not bashing me? How is that not connected to FourSquare since the FB posts were crossposted … they PERMIT that after all. Sheesh.

Mind you, I had to repeatedly ask them to take the site down AND to remove Aaron K as the Mayor of our legitimate project site. A site that we are now uncomfortable using because we don’t know this man or his motive, much less his capability. This whole scenario is a ridiculous overreaction to the original trigger.

This is FourSquare’s response:

Hi Susan,

I totally understand where you’re coming from, and feel it’s probably best to explain our approach a bit more.

As you noted, what he posted was clearly inappropriate and violated our Terms of Service. As per our policy, we immediately removed the venue and tips in question, examined his account and found no other similar items, and sent him an explanation of appropriate behavior and a notice of violation of our House Rules. If this behavior arises again, then we’ll definitely take stronger action, such as banning him from the service.

We are strong advocates of the LGBT community and social causes in general (and have a long record of our support), but this issue is not about supporting a community but about the appropriate policy for a platform. We warned the user, we removed the inappropriate content, and we’re monitoring further. We don’t tolerate abusive, hateful conduct in any respect, and please know that we do take things like this seriously.

Again, I’m sorry that we disappointed you, but I hope you understand how we approach these things. We will continue to monitor the account in question.

His use of FourSquare led to ongoing violations of me. They don’t seem to get that. I am not sure of what long record of support FourSquare has for the LGBT community, but this isn’t reassuring to me.

The email for FourSquare is ct@foursquare.com and the ticket number is 204550 Multiple people have begun contacting them about this matter. Ledcat has been saying this is about sexism more than homophobia and I’m inclined to agree although the two are often intertwined.

What FourSquare fails to understand is that a weak response from them at this point in an interaction sends a message about the impact of this hate speech. There’s no crime. Yet. I can’t report him to the police for calling me a whore. I’d love to do that, but I can’t. Is it harassment? Well, you could argue he staked out my home to set up the venue. He also checked in to the legitimate site for our project so there’s a real possibility he could find my car. He repeatedly took note of the venue by checking in. So that seems like harassment. But it doesn’t meet the legal definition. I essentially have to wait and see if he does anything further.

In the meantime, I can’t really use FourSquare. I’m the one whose movements are limited b/c of this man’s actions, yet FourSquare seems to do nothing.

The social media companies need to a better job of responding to these situations and provide options for the public to report violations. But as with any monopoly … what leverage is there aside from a few people closing their accounts?

I hope you will contact FourSquare.

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Are Foursquare and Facebook Taking Gay Bashing Seriously?

A few months ago, a man I’ve never met (we went to same high school, several years apart) was upset because I reported him to Facebook for posting anti-gay content. I blocked him after a bit, then heard from mutal friends that he was posting negative comments about me, including being an mentally ill unstable lesbian as the reason I turned him in. Unfortunately, even though I had screenshots of the comments, I had no way to report him because I had already blocked him. There was nothing I could do to advocate for myself with Facebook. I had to rely on a few friends to report him. That was very frustrating. (Ironically, someone else had been turning him so I’m sure they had a good laugh when he was on a verbal rampage about me. Oh well.)

A few weeks ago, I discovered that another man I’ve never met and never had contact with had posted homophobic and derogatory sexist comments about me on Foursquare.com. I posted about that experience. I took screenshots, reported him, and used social media to track down his identity. His only connection with me is a mutual acquaintance with neighbors up the street.

This is a little more scary. This man has discussed purchasing a gun and was actually charged with disorderly conduct for providing false information to purchase a gun in the past. He talks about drinking quite a bit and he may be unemployed, perhaps have been fired (that’s unclear).

He also doesn’t know me. I’ve done no injury to him so there’s no reason he would go to such lengths to bash me. Making some comments on your Facebook page is one thing. Setting up a venue on Foursquare, checking in repeatedly, posting that on Facebook and writing the following “tip” about the venue is a whole different issue. It took planning, effort and some cunning. I’m pretty sure he knows my address, my work and perhaps what car I drive.

Hag Bag Headquarters “Welcome to whore ville all dykes get in free.”

Nice, huh? But here’s the best part. Facebook hasn’t removed the comments from his page, comments that include that exact wording. Foursquare issued a warning to him and the other 5 people who checked in to the fake venue. I complained that he and the person who set up the venue (not sure who that is, but they know) should be held more accountable — that there’s a difference between tacitly supporting bashing women/LGBT people and actively setting up the means to do so.

Here is the Foursquare Terms of Service (TOS):

By way of example, and not as a limitation, you shall not (and shall not permit any third party to) either (a)take any action or (b)upload, download, post, submit or otherwise distribute or facilitate distribution of any Content on or through the Service, including without limitation any User Submission, that:

infringes any patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright, right of publicity or other right of any other person or entity or violates any law or contractual duty;

you know is false, misleading, untruthful or inaccurate;

is unlawful, threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, libelous, deceptive, fraudulent, invasive of another’s privacy, tortious, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, offensive, profane, contains or depicts nudity, contains or depicts sexual activity, promotes bigotry, discrimination or violence, or is otherwise inappropriate as determined by foursquare in its sole discretion;

So let’s see … abusive, harassing, defamatory, libelous, deceptive, fraudulent, invasive of privacy, vulgar, offensive, promotes bigotry, discrimination … he hit a lot of these qualifiers. But he gets a warning

Foursquare and Facebook are NOT responding to gay bashing and gender bashing in an appropriate and acceptable manner. I have no way to tell Facebook that his status updates about buying a gun could be related to the hate posts about me. I told Foursquare and asked them to do more than warn him. They told me to call the authorities.

I believe that’s irresponsible on their part. Targeting my home with this language could incite violence against me and it certainly defames an organization just trying to help feed our neighbors. I just want Foursquare to take it seriously and take the next step. Warn the folks who checked-in, but take the next step with him and the individual who set up the site. Send a message that bashing LGBT people and bashing women is not tolerated. It merits more than a slap on the wrist.

It was only a year ago that a woman was raped after her ex posted a listing on Craigslist that she had a rape fantasy. The ad was reported, but it was too late. She was assaulted and raped in her home by a man who responded to the ad and communicated with her ex (posing as her.) Craigslist changed their policies, but the issue of social media liability for content was very contentious.

I’m uncomfortable “checking in” to my project – so using Foursquare for a project that is heavily venue driven is off the table. Sad for them. We have hundreds of venues to use or add to their service.

Social media has the potential to incite others. It needs to used appropriately. There’s no such thing as free speech because Foursquare and Facebook are private companies. They can control language and images on their sites and clearly protect themselves with these TOS agreements.

They just need to enforce them.

You can contact Foursquare:

@4sqSupport

ct@foursquare.com

Use this ticket number in the subject line: #204550

Here’s some examples

A Florida teacher was suspended for posting homophobic comments on his Facebook page.

Similar circumstances in New Jersey (much worse content.)

Facebook allegedly partnered with GLAAD in 2010 to address gay bashing. Hmmm.

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Fear

In an earlier post, I shared some recent experiences being gay bashed on the FourSquare.com website by a man I’ve never met. He established a fake venue to mock my volunteer work and described our home as “whoreville all dykes welcome.” 5 other people validated this offensive conduct by “checking in” to the site. No one challenged him, including his gay friends who are neighbors of ours.

Why did he do it? Well, we have our suspicions but nothing concrete at this point. Let me just say that it is uncomfortable overreaction to the potential trigger. I’ve been slurred on Facebook, Twitter, and my blog. I’ve been yelled at by politicians. I’ve received “messages” from mutual friends. I’ve been shunned, ignored and defamed.

But this is the closest I’ve come to being a little concerned for my safety. The combination of a man who would go that far to defame me over something very minor that didn’t even concern him, his recent unemployment, his stated desire to purchase a gun and his use of alcohol as well as his proximity to me via our neighbors … well that’s a bit volatile.

I have some options to explore which I shall do on Monday. But there are other aspects I want to explore

Foursquare.com warned this man. That’s it. They also warned the other 5 people who checked in to the site, thus validating it. I have formally protested that decision. It seems reasonable that the 5 people who checked in are culpable to a lesser degree that the person who set up the fake venue and the man who posted those comments (and became the Mayor.) Those one or two persons should receive a stronger response to their homophobia and sexism as well as general bigotry. This was not a one time drunken stupid decision, it was an ongoing repeated pattern of homophobic conduct.

Facebook has also not responded. The posts I reported are still up. His account is still accessible (that’s on him for not changing privacy settings.) Facebook is impossible to contact beyond clicking the “report” key. With FourSquare, I have multiple email addresses and Twitter access.

Then there’s the possibility that other LGBTQ folks were involved. How is it funny to use the fact that I’m a lesbian (and so is Ledcat) to bash us? How is that okay? FourSquare knows who checked in. That information could come to light if the situation escalates. That’s probably the worst part of this beyond the personal safety issue.

Finally, there’s the slap at a community project to help hungry people and the environment. Why go there? There are folks on our very street struggling to get enough to eat. There are plastic bags blowing all over Manchester from the football fans and other litter bugs. This project impacts our very neighborhood. The person who established the site either knew about our project directly or brought this man up to speed. It was an intentional defamation of a project because I guess they just don’t care.

Finally finally, there’s the fact that someone reported the trigger to this man. Basically, I turned in some people to foursquare for checking in to our project when they had nothing to do with it … they were never physically here, they have not donated, they have offered no support. It was getting in the way of our exploration of how to use foursquare as a social media tool, so I reported them. Mind you, I knew they were doing this all over the Northside … checking in to businesses that weren’t even open at that time of day. Just cheating. That’s annoying. I suspect that’s what precipitated this whole chain of events, but I’m not sure how they found out it was me. I’m not unwilling to share that information but only a few people knew. I hope they now realize what they unleashed. Thanks. I hope it was worth it.

So I’m pondering posting a petition to FourSquare for a strong response to gay bashing and sexism. Would you sign? Would you email them if I provided the ticket number? Would you stand up for all the people smeared in this little scenario?

I’m not going to just let it go. But I don’t want to escalate a potentially volatile situation with someone who I don’t know. I think the players with power need to take a stronger stance and send a message.

Foursquare needs to hold them accountable.

Facebook needs to hold him accountable for posting “Hag Bag Headquarter welcome to whoreville all dyke welcome” on his page. Repeatedly.

The person who leaked the information needs to tell me. And try to fix it.

The other persons I’ll be contacting need to take it seriously.

No one should sell this man a gun.

And the LGBQ community, I hope, will say that gay people bashing other gay people is unacceptable period. Criticize my actions, decisions, beliefs and opinions. Slamming women as whores and dykes is not okay and reprehensible if connected to other gay people.

In the meantime, I’m just a little bit afraid. I’m afraid my car might be vandalized or my property damaged. I’m afraid of an unknown actor with a gun and a bit of alcohol. I’m afraid that social media sites don’t take this more seriously.

But I’m not going to let fear deter me from standing up to homophobia. I’d appreciate your support.

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