Today is the final day of my month long odyssey, National Blog Post Month. My goal was to post every day for the month of January.
Success!
It is great to meet a goal. Energizing, even?
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Tag Archives: NaBloPoMo
NaBloPoMo: Ben Franklin
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Benjamin Franklin said, “Energy and persistence conquer all things.” Do you agree or disagree?
Second to last day in my month long journey. NaBloPoMo is up for February (love and sex) but I am going to take a break in part due to having some other tasks that need my attention and because I *hope* to be pursuing some sort of treatment for carpal tunnel.
I do not agree with BF. We live in a world where systemic forces have an impact on our lives. Exerting energy and being persistent in the face of adversity can be productive even if not successful – we can feel good about trying, we can inspire others to pick up the battle flag, etc. But we can also feed into a mentality that “you can climb the ladder of success” so if you don’t, you are a failure.
The Boy Scout situation is an excellent example. Energy and persistence of the part of advocates have created a path to change that was unfathomable five years ago. But the complexity of life shows that “conquering” is not viable right now. Transphobia is rampant so there’s no victory unless children who are not gay, but not heterosexual are also included and valued. The same with adults. And somewhere yesterday a gay kid was bullied, kicked out of his home, etc.
At the same time, a group of parents and Scouts got a national organization to change its policy (potentially) even when the Surpeme Court backed them up. Seriously, that is impressive energy.
It is just not “all things” and while we should take a moment to let the successes replenish our energy, we cannot rest while all things remain undone.
Did I just contradict myself?
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NaBloPoMo: It Sucks Up My Energy When You Don’t Believe Me
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
What reoccurring thought uses up a lot of your mental energy?
This theme ties very nicely into an ongoing discussion I’ve been having on Facebook about being gay bashed. THAT is a thought which consumes a lot of my mental energy. Not in an obsessive think about it with anxiety every day kind of way. In a small, back of your head, whispery sort of way.
Examples?
A former supervisor told me to “tone down the gay” at work because I was making other people uncomfortable (he meant Christians) by being gay. I was such a flaming queer what with all my stories about my partner and cats and the Pride Festival marching through my office. And, oh, yeah I did join the diversity committee and ask them to add domestic partner benefits to the company. Oh and my clothes – Doc Martens, turtleneck shirts and … cardigans! YES. I was a screaming middle aged lesbian talking about my partner’s interaction with the meter reader and asking for more people to have health insurance – WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Seriously, in this same place of employment – my desk was ransacked, personal items stolen, and I had to deal with a senior manager sending me lesbian porn via company email. He sent it to lots of people, none of whom took any action even though they knew two lesbians (at least) were on the email list and possibly one gay man. But MY GAY TONE was the problem.
And the worst thing is that it worked – I watched my tone. I bit my tongue. I didn’t want to lose my job. At another job, I was told that the word “lesbian” might offend donors. This stuff happens. A lot.
But you know what is especially energy sucking? When people don’t believe me.
“Oh, Sue, he didn’t mean THAT when he said XYZ, he’s not homophobic.”
My other favorite
“Sue, he’s gay/has a gay brother/roommate. Of course, he’s not homophobic.”
I really don’t like when other straight people tell me that something is or is not homophobic based on their vast experience of (not) being LGBTQ. I also don’t like when they act like being homophobic is a valid lifestyle choice. It is not. It is legal. And it happens. But if you love LGBTQ people, you really need to rethink the validity concept.
Life is not perfect or fair or reasonable. But not believing people makes it a lot worse. I believe when people tell me that they’ve been raped or abused or smacked or whatever. While I will allow for the possibility of misunderstanding and miscommunication, I’m NOT going to say that the abuser/rapist/assailant has a valid point of view because of their religious beliefs, etc.
And it wears you down, these little things. It takes mental energy to do the “gay assessment” when you enter a situation, no matter how subtle. You assess the vibe, the tone, the other people, the people you are with, etc. And you make decisions. Like that. When we are out and about, we literally mention if a place is “safe” or not. Oakland? Safe. Waterfront? Safish. Robinson Town Center? Unknown so caution. Safe means how likely is someone to use a gay slur if a situation arises that involves us. For example, one night at the Waterfront some teen boys chased us. So the Waterfront is just safish. Being chased by teen boys is scary. I don’t want to be arrested and have my clearances revoked because someone’s kid is a homophobic jerk. But I’m sure not going to stand by and let anyone hurt Laura.
Don’t let people who say “I don’t care who knows I’m gay” fool you. I don’t care either, but I’m not going to put Ledcat in harms way to prove a point. I’m not going to lose my job. I’m not going to make a scene at my cousin’s wedding. Am I going to call someone out at the Olive Garden? We’d like to think I would, right?
I do “tone down the gay” every single day. And when I tell you that I believe someone discriminated against me, it would help if you simply believed me. Because the problem isn’t how low/high my gay tone is – it is the bullying, ignorance and fear that make it an issue.
So let’s agree to believe people. It sucks to be on the beat down side of discrimination, intentional or not.
PS: this is why we need ENDA/HB 300 – to protect us at work. Marriage won’t help with that at all. Just sayin …
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