My First Week Coming Home

Cats watching TV

One week since I returned home. Spent most of it balancing settling in against new routines. I still have a few boxes to unpack,  but I’m mostly done. During my cats visits, I intentionally sat in the spots tied to the police executing the 302 warrant. I sat on the floor where we talked. I […]

Hypomania is Here

I didn’t know ‘dread’ is a clinical symptom. The difference between anxiety and dread is that anxiety is an unpleasant state of mental uneasiness, nervousness, apprehension and obsession or concern about some uncertain event while dread is great fear in view of impending evil; fearful apprehension of danger; anticipatory terror. So my spin through last week took me down a dark path […]

‘We Just Forgot How to Care for Ourselves’ A Widowed Husband Reflects on the Toll of Alcohol Abuse on His Family

Content Note: Alcohol, depression, death, grief In 2015, a woman named Heather completed the AMPLIFY Q&A and she caught my attention. This response in particular has stayed with me all of these years later. What motivated you to take part in this project? I don’t talk about this part of my life a lot, and when […]

Pride Anxiety

Pride Anxiety

Today is Pride. We had plans to go with a friend to see the parade and walk around the festival. Then the thoughts crept into my mind. Last night, I was fretting about the hill we’d have to walk up from our car to the festival. What if I couldn’t climb the hill? What if […]

My Love Letter Lost to Bitch Media

At age 51, I cannot remember a time when Bitch Media (originally the magazine, then the website, too) was not part of my day to day life. I also cannot remember how I was introduced to Bitch. It was just there in my adult consciousness. Now it will no longer be here. Bitch Media is […]

My Grieving Chronicle at Five and a Half Weeks

Birthday party idea

It has been five and a half weeks since my mother died. The phrase “and I still haven’t’ really cried” keeps coming to my lips, as if there’s a certain moisture emission density that is necessary to be a proper mourner. But it is true that I have not cried a lot, more often oozing […]

Trans People Are Relevant

Matthew Spampinato

Yesterday, a family friend of Matthew Spampinosa left a comment on this blog post about his death. I was appalled enough to draft a message in response to her, but my gut tells me she isn’t going to hear me. So I opted to share my thoughts with you. After all, just today Georgia introduced […]

And may the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Tomorrow will be one month without my mother in this world. That feels momentous, like a tick closer on the timeline of her disappearance from this world. A month, then two, then six, and a year. And so forth. Her birthday. Her private significant milestone dates. I’ll put them all in my phone to remind […]

GI Sue: Part Six in a Chronic Health Crisis

Sue Kerr Cats

G.I. are initials used to describe the soldiers of the United States Army and airmen of the United States Air Forces and general items of their equipment.[1] The term G.I. has been used as an initialism of “Government Issue,” “General Issue,” or “Ground Infantry,” but it originally referred to “galvanized iron,” as used by the logistics services of the United States Armed Forces.[2][3] During World War I, American soldiers sardonically referred to […]

Too Blue to Fly

People tell you a lot of things about grief – the phases, the stages, the array of emotions. They tell you about the heart-stopping-grasp that grief has in your chest, a constricting band that hurts your heart and tightens your breathing. They tell you that each experience of grief is unique, that the absence of […]