Complete Honesty Has Consquences #NaBloPoMo

If you could be completely honest with no regrets, what would you say and to whom?

I would ask all of the adults in my family why they protected a child molesting rapist, but didn’t protect the kids. All of us.

Actually, I would never ask that question because I’m unwilling to be the instigator of their fatal heart attacks. I would feel regret about that outcome because even growing up with a monster in our midst, I have a soul and a conscience.  And I don’t really want to hear justifications or rationalizations. I know what I do want to hear – them owning the truth and apologizing.

That’s not going to happen. I broke seventeen cardinal rules of dysfunctional families by simply acknowledging that an adult in my family was a child molesting rapist. If my family read this blog, I’d be removed from several Christmas card lists and not invited to the next family wedding.

So, take two.

I would do the following

  1. Go to all of the people who ever hurt Ledcat’s feelings and repeatedly kick them in the shin while listing all of her awesome accomplishments. While waving her law degree, a photo of our pretty blue house and pension plan in the air. Fuck them, she built a good life.
  2. Tell the first woman I crushed on exactly how I felt (at that time) and how much I learned about myself because of our relationship.
  3. Ask my college mentor why he stopped communicating with me after I came out to him. That was incredibly hurtful.

That’s probably good. The shin kicking thing might land me in front of the magistrate on assault charges so let’s say that’s a metaphor for lots of big words and emphatic gestures.

 

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