There is no such thing as gay sex. Any sexual act performed by LGBTQ persons can be performed by straight persons. Anal sex is not gay sex. Oral sex is not gay sex. Swinging from a trapeze wearing a dildo is not gay sex. It is simply sex.
In today's column you made this slip albeit in a slightly different context – the gay sleepover.
Cat, this sort of shorthand is problematic for me. It feeds into the perception that “gay” means different, lesser, strange. Yes, the concern about her husband's sexual orientation is worth addressing, especially if he's engaging in sexual contact that could put her at risk. Keep in mind, Cat, that contact with other women can also put her in danger.